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Fitzgerald Publishing Corporation 

Successor to 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Vesey Street, New York 
OCT -5 1920 



WIVES ON STRIKE 

A Satirical Comedy in Three Acts 



BY 
LILLIAN SUTTON PEL6E 



Copyright, 1920, by 
Lillian Sutton Pelee 



^ 



Fitzgerald Publishing Corporatioiv 

Successor to 

Dick & Fitzgeralp 

18 Vesey Street New York 



Note. — The Moving Picture and Professional Acting 
Rights of this play are expressly reserved by the author, 
to whom theatrical managers who wish to produce it 
should apply in care of the Fitzgerald Publishing Cor- 
poration, 18 Yesey Street, New York. 



Wives On Strike .p ^u 



CHARACTERS 



a 



(K 



Betty Albright A Iride 

Thornton Albright Her husband, an architect 

Reynold Winburn Betty's admirer 

Lily de Longpre A vampire 

Clara Collins Betty's friend 

Jane Spink , Betty's aunt 

Bob Spink Betty's uncle 

Patricia Duggan (Pat), 

President of Wives' Welfare Club 

Tom Duggan Her husband, a business man 

Ura Lamb. Treasurer of Wives' Welfare Club 

Jim Lamb. .... .Her husbaiid, a professor of philosophy 

Shesha Nut Member of Wives' Welfare Club 

John Nut. Her husband, a traveling salesman 

Other members of the Wives' Welfare Club, and patrons 
and waiters of Betty's Diet Kitchen, as desired. 

Time. — To-day. , 

Locality. — Los Angeles, Cal. 
Time of Playing. — About Two Hours. 

SYNOPSIS 

Act I. — Wives' Welfare Club meeting at Jane 
Spink's home. 

Act II.— Dinner at Betty and Thornton ^s home. 
Same evening. 

Act hi. — Reception room in Betty's Diet Kitchen. 
Six weeks later. 

2©GiD 55708 



Wives On Strike 3 

COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS 

This is no poor woman's club, as is evident by the 
stunning gowns that are worn. The women represent 
that stratum of middle class society who put all the 
money they can get on their backs, and mortgage their 
homes to buy a car. 

Patricia Duggan, usually referred to as Pat. — a mag- 
nificent-looking creature of about thirty. She rather 
prides herself on her oratorical ability and does every- 
thing for effect, covering her limitation with high- 
handed authority. 

Shesha Nut, a simpering nonentity of about twenty- 
four, with round, staring blue eyes, a nubbin of a nose, 
an ever- grinning mouth, all fluffs and ruffles. 

Ura Lamb, of box-car proportions and feline disposi- 
tion, somewhere around thirty. 

Lily de Longpre, about twenty-five, languorous-eyed, 
sinuous of movement, very much made up; addicted to 
clinging robes, which cover without concealing. 

Jane Spink, a middle-aged woman, short, stout, and 
something of a frump, though her dress is of heavy wine- 
colored satin. 

Betty Albright, a buoyant, wholesome young woman 
of about twenty- two; she presents a very trim appear- 
ance in her sport hat and skirt, shirt waist and silk 
sweater. 

Clara Collins, a demure young girl of about eighteen, 
plump, rosy-cheeked, and wears an inexpensive but 
dainty frock. 

Bob Spink, a middle-aged man. He is bald of head, 
round of face, and there is a merry twinkle in his eyes. 

Thornton Albright, an architect just starting out for 
himself. He is a well-set-up man of about twenty-eight, 
the masterful type so much in demand with the fair sex. 
He comes to conclusions quickly and his opinions stick. 

Reynold Winburn, a slight, blonde young man of 
about twenty-two. 

Jim Lamb, a pale-faced, timid man who has studied 



4: Wives On Strike 

other people's thoughts so long that he hasn't an idea of 
his own. He wears large, horn-rimmed goggles. 

Tom Duggan, a tired looking business man about 
forty. 

John Nut, an every-day sort of a man about thirty. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES 

Act I. — ^Large cage containing a parrot. Memo- 
randum-book for the secretary. A gavel for Pat. Tray 
with teacups, sandwiches, cake, etc., as desired. 

Act II. — Newspaper, cigar, bank notes, money and 
note-book for Thornton. AVrist watch for Lily. Bun- 
galow apron, plate of food and a plate of corn bread for 
Reynold. Plate containing a covered cake for Clara. 
Large hat box, stuffed carryall and the parrot and cage 
for Jane ; the carryall is improvised out of a nightgown 
bag and bears the inscription ''Good Night." Plain 
table-cloth and silverware in sideboard drawer; dishes, 
including soup-plates, teapot, etc., on sideboard. A 
large bowl, baking-dish, platter with meat-loaf and vege- 
tables, salad basket containing lettuce, oil, vinegar, 
garlic, etc., dish containing celery, tray, soup toureen, 
and a pie off stage for Betty. Also hat, coat and hand- 
bag for Betty. 

Act III. — Pad and pencil for Jim. Marabou for Pat. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS 

As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audi- 
ence, R. means right hand ; l., left hand ; c, center ; 
D. c, center door in rear ; d. r., door at right ; d. l., door 
at left ; D. R. c, door at right of center ; d. l. c, door at 
left of center ; up means toward back of stage ; down, to- 
ward footlights. 



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SCENE PLOT— ACT I 
WIVES ON STRIKE 



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WIVES ON STRIKE 



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SCENE PLOT— ACT III 

WIVES ON STRIKE 



v6 






Wives On Strike 



ACT I 

SCENE. — Sitting-room in the Spink residence, old-fash- 
ioned, hut richly furnished. Two rows of chairs 
are arranged in semicircles from r. to l. with a 
space open in c. Small table r. c. for chairman; 
secretary's hook on tahle. A door c. leads to street. 
To L. of door is a window, a small tahle in front 
of it on which stands a cage with parrot, r. of 
door is another small tahle with howl of flowers. 
Farther r. an inglenook where huilt-in seats leave 
only sufficient space for the fireplace. At l., win- 
dow with a divan in front. Boor at r. opens into 
kitchen. DISCOVERED, the ''Wives' Welfare 
Club" in full swing. It is composed of ahout a 
dozen members; all but Betty Albright have as- 
sembled. Patricia Duggan stands l. of tahle, hold- 
ing a gavel. Shesha Nut is seated at extreme l. in 
front rovj. To her r. is Ura Lamb. Next her to 
• the R. is Lily de Longpre. Jane Spink is seated 
on front row r., next a vacant chair nearest the 
table, which is reserved, for the secretary. Other 
members are seated on rear chairs, as desired. 

Pat. Ladies and Gents — I mean — Ladies and Wives : 
We have finished the regular business of our meeting, 
and now comes the all-important question for which we 
have met in solemn conclave — The Rights of Wives! I 
need not enumerate the petty persecutions to which 
woman has been subjected since the dawn of history by 
tyrannical man. Something must be done ! 



8 Wives On Strike 

Omnes (spealdng in dijf event keys and different 
tempo, making a discordant jumble). Yes, something 
must be done ! 

Pat. We must act! 

Ura {aside to Shesha). She's always acting. 
(Shesha titters. Pat. gives her a reproving look which 
causes Shesha 's eyes to grow rounder with solemnity) 

Omnes {again audible, but not understandable) . Yes, 
we must act ! 

Pat. {impressively). But how? 

Jane {bounces up). Madam Chairman! 

Pat. {condescendingly recognizing the floor). Jane 
Spink. 

Jane. I move that we hold an informal discussion of 
our difficulties over our teacups before taking any 
action. {Sits) 

Shesha. Tea! {Giggles) Oh, lovely! 

(Note. — Some one must be posted back of scene to imi- 
tate parrot.) 

Parrot. Polly want a cracker! {Cries of '^ Isn't he 
a darling?" ''How cunning!" etc.) 

Pat. {brings down her gavel). Ladies! Order, 
please! {Smiles complacently) I'm sure Jane's mo- 
tion will carry unanimously. 

Ura {rising with much dignity). Madam Chairman, 
I insist that the motion be put in its proper form. 

Pat. {contemptuously) . Ura Lamb, this club is too 
advanced to be bound by petty rules. Ladies, make 
yourselves comfortable. {She drops on vacant chair as 
if exhausted by her onerous task. Everybody talks at 
once in a different key. Ura protests to Shesha a^id those 
sitting back of her; they gradually move over to window; 
some of the women play ivith the parrot, lending a rather 
indifferent ear to Ura. Others ensconce thanselves in 
the inglenook. Shesha joins them there. Jane and 
Lily rise, but remain in their places. When Jane be- 
gins to speak there is a lull) 



Wives On Strike 9 

Jane {looks around). Dear me, hasn't Betty come 
yet? 

Pat. I thought yon said she was going to act as 
secretary. 

Jane. She did promise, and she also told me she 
wonld be here to help prepare the lunch. 

Lily {witJi affected manner and insinuating tone). 
You don't mean to say, Mrs. Spink, that Betty is a mem- 
ber of this club? Poor girl, is her marriage a failure 
too? 

Jane {loitJi asperity). No, Miss Lily de Longpre, my 
niece's marriage is a complete success — {Giving Lily a 
sharp look) through no help from some of her friends. 

Lily {provokingly) . Whom? Reynold Winburn? 
{Shoots an insolent glance from under half -closed eyes, 
then with a saucy toss of her head joins Ura and others 
near window) 

Jane {hurling the words after her). No, not Reynold 
Winburn! {To Pat.) Thornton had to be a fast run- 
ner to elude that creature. The way she tagged after 
him was disgraceful. 

Pat. Did Betty know she was coming here to-day ? 

Jane. I don't know, but that wouldn't have kept 
her away. Betty has too much common sense to be 
jealous, especially of that breed. 

ENTER Betty and Clara, d. c. 

Betty. Hello, everybody! 

Pat. Glad to see you, Betty. {Nods pleasantly and 
goes to inglenook) 

Betty. Hope I didn't keep you waiting, auntie. I 
brought Clara along. Isn't it lovely that she has moved 
right next door to us ? (Goes c, Jane is r. and Clara l.) 

Jane. But Clara isn't married and this club is for 
married ladies only. 

Betty. But she may be soon. {Laughs) I have a 
husband all picked out for her. 

Clara {modestly). Oh, you! 



10 Wives On Strike 

Betty. Don't waste blushes on women, Clara. Keep 
them for Reynold. A girl that can still blush these 
blushless days can bring any man to her feet. 

Clara {to Jane). Betty said you might like me to 
help serve. 

Jane. Indeed I would, and maybe you can pick up 
some helpful information about the ways of man. 
Betty, I expected you much earlier. 

Betty. I'm sorry, auntie, but the house took longer 
to straighten than I anticipated. 

Jane (severely). Betty, you're not spoiling your 
husband after all my training, are you? 

Betty {laughing). No spoiling Thornton. He's like 
fruit cake, the longer it's kept the better it gets. 

Jane {with a sniff of disdain). There's no reason- 
ing with a love-sick fool. You give me the fidgets. All 
these guests and Bridget gone ! 

Betty {astonished). The cook left too? {Consol- 
ingly) Ah, what a shame! 

Jane. I didn't care so much about the chambermaid 
leaving, but to lose the cook! And you know what a 
crank your uncle is about his meals. 

Betty. Poor Uncle Bob ! 

Jane {irascibly) . Why do you say that? 

Betty. Oh, I don 't know. Why did the cook leave ? 

Jane. Goodness only knows. She said something 
about a sympathy strike. It certainly wasn't sympathy 
for me. The ungrateful creature walked out in the 
middle of sandwich making. {Gives gesture of despair) 

Clara. Isn't it dreadful, the number of strikes there 
are now ? 

Betty {patting Jane). Don't worry, auntie. We'll 
fix everything in a jifPy. I didn't specialize in domestic 
science for nothing. Come on, Clara, it will give the 
*' Wives' Welfare Club" time to discuss 

Clara {innocently). Their husbands? 

Betty. No, dear— each other. {She laughs) 

[EXIT Betty, Clara and Jane d. r. 

Ura {to Lily). Lily, I want you to meet our presi- 



Wives On Strike 11 

dent. {Confidentially) She doesn't know a parlia- 
mentary rule from a golf stick. Her stupidity is almost 
masculine. (Pat. and Shesha go from inglenook down 
R. c, talking together) 

Lily. Mrs. Lamb, I feel as if I had got into the wrong 
stall with all you. married women. This is no place for 
a lone bachelor maid with matrimonial inclinations. 

Ura. You have had so much more experience, my 
dear, than we have, I thought you might give us a 
pointer or two. 

Lily {annoyed hy the inference). Now — I say 

Ura. Don't say — meet — our president, Patricia Dug- 
gan, lovingly dubbed Pat by us. {Smiles sweetly on 
Pat. hut conveys her sarcasm hy a glance to Lily) And 
Shesha Nut. (Shesha smiles vacuously. Pat. is R. c, 
Shesha c, Ura l. c, and Lily to her l.) 

Pat. {crosses over and extends her hand to Lily). 
This is a pleasure, Mrs. ? 

Ura." Miss Lily de Lougpre. 

Pat. {surprised). Miss? Here? 

Ura. That's all right. I invited her. She has had 
so much 

Lily {haughtily). Please do not give out any wrong 
impressions. Only married women can afford to be 
promiscuous. Kemember, my third finger is still un- 
corseted. 

Ura {laughs). No wedding ring to bind! {To Pat.) 
Don't you think Miss de Longpre would be a valuable 
addition to us! {With meaning as she exchanges a 
knowing look with Shesha) "We need somebody in this 
club with an idea or two. 

Pat. {vexed). If you employ as much tact with your 
husband, Ura Lamb, as you do in your club work, I 
should think he would prefer alimony to matrimony, 

Lily ( to Pat. ) . How long have you been organized ? 

Shesha {has been listening with a stupid smile on her 
face. Her mind works for a moment). A year ago last 
New Year, wasn't it, Pat? 

Pat. {with a crushing look). No, Fourth of July. 



12 Wives On Strike 

Shesha. I knew it had something to do with reso- 
lutions. {Gives a childish laugh as she claps her hands 
glee f idly) I have it! "Life, liberty, and the pursuit 
of happiness." 

Lily {to Pat.). I'm not quite clear as to the purpose 
of your club. 

Shesha {a look of bewilderment coining over her 
face). The purpose? What is our purpose, Pat? I 
never thought to ask. 

Pat. {gives Shesha a disdainful look which causes 
the fatuous smile to change to wonder. Pat., turning 
to Lily, prepares to display her oratory). We have 

banded ourselves together {Some of the women 

took up and snicker as Pat.'s voice rings out) 

Ura {winks at Shesha). Pat, I think I hear Jane 
calling you. 

Lily. What a funny club! Everybody calls the 
other by her given name. 

Pat. {with extreme sohriety). Our mutual trials re- 
late us more closely. We are one in bondage! {Makes 
a theatrical sweep toward d. r.) 

Lily {following her). But don't you think there are 
times when the man has something on his side ? 

Ura {aside to Shesha). Sympathizing with hus- 
bands is the stock in trade of vamps. 

Pat. {turning on Lily patronizingly) . My child, you 
speak with the tongue of inexperience. To-day you may 
learn sufficient from our trials and tribulations to save 
yourself from a like fate. {As sh6 goes toward d. r.) 
I'm coming, Jane. (Lily goes to inglenook) 

[EXIT Pat. d. r. 

Shesha {to Ura). Who is that Miss de Longpre? 

Ura. An old flame of Betty's husband. She and 
Betty used to be classmates. Watch and you'll see some 
sparks fly this afternoon. 

Shesha. I'm surprised that Betty didn't let her have 
him. Reynold Winburn is such a tame young thing, and 
he has heaps more money than Thornton, and he sure 
was dippy over Betty. 



Wives On Strike 13 

Ura. Probably the opposition decided her. You 
know Betty has a will of her own when aroused. 

Shesha. . My John thinks Thornton the finest ever, 
but I think he's dreadfully selfish. 

Ura. Well, I certainly don't see anything so at- 
tractive about him for women to fight over him. He has 
always treated me with the courtesy of a polar bear. 
(Shesha titters) 

ENTER Betty, Jane, Pat. and Clara d. r., carrying 
the tea things. Jane pours tea from table R. The 
others distribute sandwiches, cakes and tea. Some 
of the women come forward from inglenook and get 
their tea theinselves. Others remain standing or 
sitting, ready to be served. Ura takes chair up by 
window. 

Jane (to Shesha, ivho has advanced to her with child- 
ish anticipation). Strong or weak, Shesha? 

Shesha. Strong. My poor nerves! (Takes tea, 
sips it as she goes and sits by Ura. In the meantime 
some one else has given Ura her tea and cakes) What 
delicious tea, Jane! (Giggles) This is the best part 
of the meeting. (Some of the women look pityingly at 
Shesha and smile among themselves) 

Lily (goes to Betty l. c. and extends her hand for 
tea, which Betty gives her). So, Betty, you have joined 
the disgruntled wives too ? (Insinuatingly) Does Thorn- 
ton approve? 

Betty (cheerfully) . This is my first appearance in 
the camp of destruction. Aunt Jane enveigled me into 
paying my dues and asked me to serve temporarily as 
secretary. She didn't tell me anything about their 
foolish notions, but I got a pretty good idea from Pat 
in there. (Nods toward kitchen) It's ridiculous! I 
don't want you to think 

Lily (knowingly). You're a sly one! You can 
match your wits against Thornton or any other man, 
my dear. 



14 Wives On Strike 

Betty. But you're altogether mistaken. There isn't 
the tiniest speck of a cloud on my matrimonial sky. 

Ura {aside to Shesha as tliey lean forward to catch 
Lily's and Betty's words). Betty must be blind not 
to see a cyclone rising in tiger-Lily's eyes. 

Lily {sympathetically). You don't need to act be- 
fore me, Betty. I was afraid you wouldn't find Thorn- 
ton quite all he made himself out to be. So long as he 
was dazzling you with his well-arranged halo, I wouldn 't 
demolish the sacred image you were deifying, but now if 
you are ready for the truth 



Betty {with earnest protest). But I tell you 



Lily. Oh, if you prefer the delusion {Shrugs 

her shoidders. Then insinuatingly) By the way, have 
3^ou seen Reynold Winburn since your marriage? 

Betty {frankly). Of course. He and Thornton are 
like brothers. 

Lily. Oh-h-h! Is that Eennie's pose? {Laughs) 
Then he didn't drown himself in the deep blue sea? 

Betty {annoyed). Surely you don't take an infant 
like that seriously? 

Lily. A twenty-two-year-old infant is able to toddle 
about alone a bit. {Leers over her shoulder as she joins 
some of the women at extreme r.) 

Betty {so confused that she passes tea to an empty 
chair). Tea, madam? 

Jane {has been keeping an eye on Betty and Lily 
while serving tea). Betty! (Betty sees her mistake 
and tries to cover her confusion by overdone gayety) 

Shesha {rises and comes forward with her cup). Is 
there plenty of tea? 

Betty. Oh, heaps. {Laughs self-consciously) I 
mean plenty. Isn't this a jolly party? {Turns away 
and serves others. Clara passes cakes to Lily) 

Lily. Hello, Clara. I saw you out motoring with 
Eeynold Winburn the other day. {She moves away 
from ladies so that she and Clara are by themselves. 
The others disperse for other interests) Is he seeking 
solace? 



Wives On Strike 15 

Clara {timidly). I don't know what you mean. 

Lily {chucks her under the chin). Oh, Miss Inno- 
cence! Don't let the wicked men fool you. Reynold is 
a knowing one. 

Clara. Mr. Winburn is very courteous and kind to 
every one. 

Lily. Especially to Betty, eh? 

Clara {flushing). I don't think it is a bit nice of 
you to speak in that insinuating way about Mr. Win- 
burn. He wouldn 't wrong anybody for the world. 

Lily. When a girl begins to defend a man — look out 
for the little fellow with the bow and arrow, and don't 
forget that when the dart has hit it's not easy to pluck 
out. 

Clara. A person should always defend his friends. 

Lily. Friends? Oh, my dear, do you still cling to 
that illusion? 

Clara {earnestly). Miss de Longpre, why do you al- 
ways sneer at everything that is good and true? 

Lily. I don't. That is why I am warning you. I 
can't bear to see such a mild little rabbit made a dupe, 
just because she is poor and trusting. 

Clara {flushing) . Riches are not everything to 
everybody. Betty and Mr. Winburn value people for 
themselves. 

Lily {shakes her head as she moves aivay). Love 
is certainly myopic. (Clara begins to collect the empty 
dishes. Jane removes the tea service from table and 
gives it to Clara, who takes it to the kitchen^ returning 
at once. One cup is left on table r. c. Pat. comes to 
table and taps with her gavel. Some of the women set 
their empty cups on chairs and seats in inglenook, others 
retain their cups, leisurely flnishing their tea, then put 
the cups on any available place. All quickly take seats, 
talking as they do so. Jane, Ura, Shesha and Lily re- 
sume former chairs. Shesha keeps sipping tea and 
munching cakes, happy as a child at a party. Betty 
sits R. of table r. c.) 

Pat. {as Betty takes secretary's book from table and 



16 Wives On Strike 

sits in chair r. of it). You need not keep any record, 
Betty. The subject we are to discuss is of a very delicate 
nature, and some of the ladies might object to having 
their opinions of their husbands preserved in ink. 
(There is a flurried movement among the women) 
Ladies, order, please ! Let us discuss the question of the 
afternoon with calmness and frankness. Remember, 
every one here has her hidden skeleton. (Lily glances 
triumphantly at Betty, ivho haughtily raises her trows) 

Betty. I beg your pardon, the only skeleton I ever 
came in contact with was in the school laboratory. 

Pat. (severely). Indeed! How long have you been 
married ? 

Jane (sniffing). Thirty (Every one looks sur- 
prised) days. (They all laugh except Betty, ivho is 
annoyed, and Pat., ivho never forgets her dignity) 

Betty (vexed). But I have known Thornton for 
years. 

Jane (with decision). No woman ever knows a man 
until she lives with him. 

Lily (sweetly). Even then she only knows what he 
sees fit to tell her. 

Betty (blazing). I need no one to introduce me to 
my husband. 

Jane. Have a care, Bettj^ that you don't make him 
out too good to be true. (Lily laughs) 

Pat. Ladies, we must be tolerant of ignorance. 
Betty's moon is still in the honey stage. Some day she 
may find it turned to limburger. (Betty rises and goes 
and sits with Clara in inglenook) 

Ura (whispers to Shesha). I always suspected Pat 
was pro-German. She should be recalled. 

Pat. (marshalling all her oratorical powers). Before 
we women, who bear the heavy yoke of matrimony, take 
any final action, let each lift the veil from her hidden 
wrongs, that we may be enabled through this inter- 
change of experiences to select the wisest course. You 
well know how woman has always borne her trials in 
silence, with never a murmur of complaint against her 



Wives On Strike 17 

lord and master (Lily hursts out laughing. Pat. 

brings down her gavel and smashes a teacup, much to 
Jane's annoyance) Young woman, this is a serious 
meeting, not a vaudeville show. (Lily is properly 
squelched) But in so noble a cause we must not in- 
dulge in false pride. Personally I feel that I can no 
longer submit 

Ura {to Shesha and Lily). She's off in a bunch. 

Pat. {overhears her and frowns). Ladies, as leader 
of your splendid organization, it is my duty so to appear 
in public that I shall not bring shame to you. But be- 
cause of my husband's stinginess I am forced to wear 

these {Lifts a part of her dress where a piece of 

lace has unraveled) rags! 

Polly. Goodnight! {General laugh. Women nudge 
each other, evidently commenting on Pat.^'s clothes) 

Ura {to Shesha and Lily as she motions to Pat.). 
A real Paquin gown. 

Pat. {turns to women seated in rear row r.). We 
are familiar with Maggie's, Dolly's and Peggy's troubles. 
{Turning to those in rear seats l.) And the difficulties 
of these ladies were discussed before lunch. 

Shesha. Is there any more tea? 

Pat. {scowls at Shesha, ivho never can understand 
what she has done to merit rebuke, and always ex- 
presses her astonishment by a rounding of eyes. Pat. 
turns to Lily) . Being unmarried, Miss de Longpre can 
add nothing to our subject. 

Lily. Oh, but I could if you would let me. 

Jane. Don't let her. Before you know it, she will 
have you all in the divorce court, and have sailed off with 
your husbands. (Women laugh) 

Pat. I wish some one would sail off with mine, then 
I could sue for damages. 

Shesha. To your heart, Pat? 

Pat. No, to my wardrobe. {To Ura) Ura Lamb, 
we know full well what you have had to put up with from 
your brute of a husband. 

Ura. How dare you? 



18 Wives On Strike 

Pat. I but repeated your own words. 

Ura (rises). Ladies, I protest! 

Shesha (tittering). Tea has such, a soothing effect 
on the nerves. 

Lily. Though not a member of your club, I must 
express my approval of Mrs. Lamb's attitude toward 
much misused man. 

Ura (turns on Lily pugnaciously) . My husband may 
imagine he can handle me with cave-man methods, but I 
need no outside help to handle him. (Flounces up to 
inglenook) 

Lily (to Shesha). Poor Jimmie! 

Betty (goes down l. of Pat.). Ladies, I suppose you 
are all on your way, but I fail to see where you are 
going. 

Jane (reprovingly). Betty, young wives should sit 
at the feet of experience. 

Betty. And old wives should eat less sugars and fats, 
starches and meats, to keep their heads clear. 

Pat. What has diet to do with getting on with hus- 
bands ? 

Betty. Everything. Over feeding and under ex- 
ercising upset the digestion and spoil the disposition. 

Jane. Pay no attention, ladies. Betty is a food 
crank. 

PAt. (tartly). This is no pure food show. (Betty 
shrugs her shoulders as though argument were useless 
and resumes her former seat hy aunt) Our subject is 
man, corrupt man, especially our own particular man. 
Shesha Nut, have you any charges to prefer against your 
husband ? 

Shesha (promptly). I should say I have. 

Pat. (importantly) . We will listen to them. 

Shesha. My husband is a (Stops dead still, 

her face a blank. The majority of the women are eager 
for something salacious. Cries of ''Do tell us!" etc. 
Neither Betty nor Clara ever enter into the spirit. 
Betty looks hored when not annoyed, and Clara looks 
ashamed) 



Wives On Strike 19 

Pat. (indulgently). Go on; we are bej^ond being 
shocked. 

Shesha (her mental clock again begins to tick). My 
Imsband has a (Stops) 

Pat. (sliocked hut curious). A soul mate? 

Shesha (stares blankly a moment, then angrily). 
Certainly not! I'm John's first and only love. (Gen- 
eral titter) 

Polly. Good night. (Burst of laughter) 

Lily (to luoman behind her). Do they permit him 
at large? 

Ura (to Clara). He must have married her on a bet. 

Pat. (severely). Mrs. Nut, our time is limited. 
What — is — the matter with your husband? 

Shesha (astonished) . Matter with him? (Simply) 
There's nothing the matter with him. 

Pat. (threateningly). Then why are you here? 

Shesha. I thought you women might tell me some 
way to make my husband lose his temper. (Smiles 
inanely) It would be such fun to see John mad just 
once. 

Omnes (there is a general uproar). Put her out! 

Pat. Order, ladies, order ! Although this woman has 
entered our organization under false colors, remember 
we are not Bolshevists. (Smiles condescendingly on 
Betty) Betty is too new at the game to add to our ar- 
raignment. 

Betty (rises). Madam Chairman, I am a paid-up 
member of this club, and I insist on being heard. "When 
I joined the "Wives' Welfare Club" I was under the 
impression that it was a constructive organization. You 
ridicule me because I am newly wed. I hope when I am 
oldly wed I shall not be less cognizant of my husband's 
virtues than I am now. 

Jane (decidedly) . Husbands have no virtues. 

Betty (firmly). Mine has. (Sits) 

Jane. Ladies, we all recall our own loudly voiced 
praise of our husbands after one long month of married 
life. 



20 Wives On Strike 

Pat. Jane, we have not yet heard from you. What 
impels you to support our movement 1 

Jane (rises). Betty, look out and see that your 
uncle is not in sight. 

Betty (protesting). Now, auntie, please 

Jane. Betty, you are very young and very ignorant, 
and though you lived under this roof all your life, very 
un-ob-ser-ving. 

Betty (as she goes to window). Of course, if you 
insist. 

Jane. I do. Ladies: I have heard you and your 
complaints. They are many and much, but mine are 
more and more. (Some of the women ejaculate ^^Oh!") 
Yes, my husband — (Stops for some accusation, then 
in a milita7it tone) smokes up the curtains! 

Betty. Not since the doctor told Uncle Bob he 
wouldn't live the year out if he didn't stop. 

Jane (sharply). Betty, you will please keep your 
tongue between your teeth and your eyes on the road. 
(To others) When I tell you that my husband's 
reformation was not brought about through change of 
heart, but because our family physician is a good friend 
of mine, you will readily see he deserves no credit. 
Mrs. Lamb, you say your husband is a cave man. 

Ura. I didn't. 

Jane. Mrs. Chairman, have I the floor? (Pat. nods) 
Ladies, do you know what would happen were my hus- 
band to enter that door and find you here? (With 
apprehension) He isn't in sight, is he, Betty? 

Betty. No, aunt. 

Jane. Should he surprise our bold conference, he 

would (Dramatic pause) to use his own words, 

*' Clean out the place!'* (General uproar. Cries of 
' ' Shocking V " Violence ! " ' ' We 'd better go ! ") Calm 
yourselves, ladies. It is not yet five. We have time to 
finish our important business. Ladies, you all know my 
husband is not a poor man, yet this very afternoon I 
was obliged to serve you tea with my own hands — and 
why? Because no servant will submit to his tyranny. 



Wives On Strike 21 

Betty. auntie! 

Jane (thunderously). Silence! I will no longer 
suppress the truth. {The ladies anticipate some terrible 
revelation, as their significant looks assert. Jane's 
words increase in momentum until she loses her breath) 
My husband is a glutton, a cormorant, a libertine, a 
loose fish, a rip, a rogue, a rake-hell, a toper, a tippler, 
a tyrant, a bully, a chronic crank, (Slows down) and — 
he would gamble the very roof from off our heads if I 
ever let him handle more than two bits at any one time. 
(Betty has turned aivay from window and is looking 
at her aunt in open-eyed wonder. The other women ex- 
claim "AhV' "OhV '^Nol") Yes. Ladies, in the 
twenty-four years that Ave have been married, I have 
vainly searched through all divorce proceedings to find 
one wickedness that some other man possesses which my 
husband does not have. 

Pat. (slightly sarcastic) . At least, you are still alive. 

Jane. Barely. 

Lily. May I ask the speaker a question? 

Pat. (not liking Lily's interruption) . Be brief. 

Lily (sweetly). Will you permit me to visit your 
harem? Surely all these qualities can not belong to 
one lone man. 

ENTER Bob Spink d. c. Stands in doorway grinning, 
' overcome with embarrassment. The women turn 
at the creak of door, a look of terror overspreads 
their faces. Bob fairly beams on them. 

Bob. Pardon intrusion. Ladies, I didn't know my 
wife had company. Glad to meet you, ladies. (Bows 
awkwardly r. and l. still smiling amiably) 

Jane (sternly). Bob Spink, you knew the ' 'Wives' 
Welfare Club" was to meet here this afternoon. 

Bob (with embarrassed laugh). Clean slipped my 
mind, my love. Ladies '11 forgive intrusion — so sorry — 
too bad — — (Effaces himself. Draws door together 
softly. Women look at each other, then at Jane for ex- 
planation) 



22 Wives On Strike 

Jane (equal to the occasion). "Wouldn't you think 
his wings were about to sprout? Put on, my dears, all 
put on before you. 

Pat. Ladies, we must take some action before the 
meeting adjourns. What do you propose to do to these 
men ? 

Jane. I move a strike. (Everybody terrified. 
Cries of "Strike!" ''Oh!" Betty alone maintains 
her poise) I move that we walk out of our husbands' 
houses this very night and never return until they 
accede to our demands. 

Shesha. But I haven't any demands. 

Jane (with withering scorn). Then fake some. 

Pat. We must not act with undue haste. Do not 
lose sight of the fact that we are dependent on these 
creatures. 

Ura (empties purse). And I've only five cents car 
fare. 

Jane (with asperity). Question! 

Pat. (resignedly) . Ladies, it is moved that we go on 
strike. Do I hear a second? 

Jane. I second the motion. 

Ura (with disdain) . You can't second your own mo- 
tion. 

Shesha. I make the motion. 

Pat. (hitingly). You mean you second it. 

Shesha (with a nod of assent). Uh, huh. 

Pat. It has been moved and seconded that the 
''Wives' Welfare Club" go on strike. The question is 
before the house for discussion. 

Betty (goes down to l. of Pat.). I presume there 
is sufficient money in the treasury to support the 
strikers ? 

Pat. Mrs. Treasurer, how much money do we have? 

Ura (goes down to Pat.'s r., looks in her hook). 
Forty-nine — cents. (General consternation) 

Pat. I suggest that Jane withdraw her motioii and 
we delegate one of our members to go on strike and make 
this a test case. 



Wives On Strike 23 

Omnes. Fine ! 

Pat. If we all walked out we might force our hus- 
bands to some concerted action. The success of one will 
mean the success of all. 

Betty. How? 

Jane. I withdraw my motion. 

Pat. It will be a club to hold over our husbands' 
heads. We can get some 'idea of just how far we can 
go with these slave drivers. 

Ura {aside to ladies to her right). Rest of us! 
(Aloud) I move that our noble president, Pat Duggan, 
be given the honor to become the first wife on strike in 
this "land of the brave and home of the free." 

Pat. (scared). Heavens, you don't know w^hat you 
are asking ! Tom is on the fence about buying me a set 
of marabou. The slightest jar might be fatal. Be- 
sides, ladies, I am modest. I do not deserve such an 
honor. Perhaps some one will volunteer for this enviable 
position. (Dead silence) 

Shesha. Let Pat appoint the striker. 

Pat. Then you, Mrs. Nut. 

Shesha. No; I'm sure John would think it some 
practical joke. Traveling salesmen always see the funny 
side of things. It would be just like him to try to pay 
me back. I'll take no chances with so many (Looks 
meaningly at Lily) strike breakers about. 

Pat. As Jane's husband represents all the vices that 
the flesh of man can hold, I nominate her. 

Jane. But if I go on strike I can't stay here. 
Where '11 I go? Will the ''Wives' Welfare Club" 
finance 

Pat. (breaks in). Surely you have some relative who 
would gladly take you in. (Glances significantly at 
Betty) 

Jane. Splendid! Betty, I'll come and watch over 
you and Thornton. (Betty, not much pleased^ drops on 
vacant chair to her l.) I'm sure such a paragon as he 
needs watching. But you ladies understand there will 
be other expenses. It takes cash to blazon the road to 



24 Wives On Strike 

independence. I am assured of your support? (Each 
looks at her neiglfibor ivith a look that means no money 
need he expected from her) 

Pat. {sensing the sentiment). Certainly; moral sup- 
port. Meeting adjourned. {A hurried movement that 
prevents further discussion. General huhhuh as they 
prepare to leave. Pat, brings down gavel as they crowd 
to D. c.) Ladies, before you go, let us give three cheers 
for the first wife on strike! (They respond heartily) 
[EXIT all Women, d. c, excepting Betty, Jane and 

Clara 

Clara {to Betty). I think I'd better go too. 

Betty. All right. I have to stop and do some shop- 
ping for dinner. 

Clara {to Jane). It was a most interesting after- 
noon. 

Jane. I hope we have taught you a few things. 

Clara. Oh, you have. [EXIT d. c. 

Betty. Auntie, I can't believe it. Surely you are 
not serious? 

Jane. Indeed I am. The cook has left just once too 
often. 

Betty. But, auntie, why blame Uncle Bob? 

Jane. Betty, when you've been married as long as I 
have, you'll know that the man is always to blame for 
everything. (Betty tries to protest) Not another 
word. Run along and lay the table for three. 

Betty. Thornton will be terribly shocked. He's so 
fond of you both. 

Jane. Thornton's state of mind is of complete indif- 
ference to me. One word from him and I '11 show him his 
place. 

ENTEEBoBD. c. 

Bob. Hello, Betty, not going without a glad word for 
Uncle Bob, are you? How's the lucky groom? 
Betty. Sweeter every day. 
Jane. Betty I 



Wives On Strike 25 

Betty. Yes, I must go. I don't want to keep him 
waiting for dinner. 

Bob. Don't suppose we old folks are much of a mag- 
net until the honeymoon wanes. 

Betty. Yes, you are. But our honeymoon isn't go- 
ing into decline. 

Jane. Pish ! 

Betty {kisses Bob). Bye, bye. Uncle Bob! {As she 
runs out) Bye, bye, auntie! [EXIT d. c. 

Bob {beaming after her). Lovely child! 

Jane. Everybody is lovely but your own wife. 

Bob. Oh, my dear, you're not cross because I butted in 
on your meeting, are you? Word of honor, it clean 
slipped my mind. Nice ladies, aren't they? 

Jane {snaps out) . No, they're not. A lot of old cats ! 
{Turns to husband) How dare you come home before 
five? You did it on purpose to let my friends know it 
was time for them to leave. 

Bob. 'Pon my word, never thought 

Jane. No, you never think — of any one but yourself. 

Bob. You always get everything you ask for. What 
do you want now? 

Jane. I want a cook — that will stay. 

Bob. But, my dear, I haven't one in my pocket. 

Jane. Sarcasm, cheap sarcasm! That's your strong 
point. 

Bob. Oh, let the old cook go to 

Jane. Bob Spink, you're swearing! 

Polly. Polly want a cracker. 

Bob {laughs). And Jenny wants a cook. Never 
mind, old girl, let us go out to a restaurant to dinner. 

Jane. Don't call me old girl. 

Bob. Then, young lady. {Chuckles) 

Jane. You're trying to make up, but it's no go this 
time. 

Bob. Sakes alive! I didn't know we had fallen 
out. 

Jane. Well, you know it now — and — I 've put up with 
you for four and twenty years. Henceforth, you can 



26 Wives On Strike 

get somebody else to cook for you, wash for you, make 
your bed, and somebody to 

Bob. Now, Jane, you know I wouldn't be untrue to 
you. 

Jane. I don't care what you do. {ShouU) I'm on 
strike ! 

Bob (amazed). On strike? 

Jane. Everybody else in the country is on strike. 
Why not the wives? The whole world is demanding 
greater freedom. 

Bob {mildly). The ladies don't want greater freedom 
of speech, do they, love? 

Jane. Don't try to be witty! We wives are going to 
walk out and we'll stay out until you men accede to our 
demands. 

Bob. What demands? 

Jane {nonplussed, then giving the usual feminine an- 
swer when cornered). You think you're smart, don't 
you? I quit the job! {Grabs parrot cage and rushes 
out, knocking over a couple of chairs) I'm on strike! 
I'm on strike! [EXIT d. c. 

Bob {looks after her, chuckles, and shakes his head). 
Poor Jane! {Glances around at the disorder, chairs 
hunched, remains of lunch on every available place) 
Whew! {Shakes his head) It sure is hell when the 
cook goes on strike! {Begins to clear away the tea 
things, whistling the ^'Marseillaise" out of tune) 



CURTAIN 



Wives On Strike 27 



ACT II 

SCENE. — Dining-room in Betty and Thornton's 'bun- 
galow. It is cheery and dainty with its gaily colored 
chintz curtains. All the furniture except an over- 
stuffed rocking-chair is made out of boxes painted 
and attractively decorated. There is a small side- 
board DOWN R. with pretty china that blends in with 
the color scheme. A comfortable rocker down l. 
The table r. c. is made of tivo wide boards crossed, 
covered with embroidered runners; in the c. a bowl 
of flowers. At each wing of table is a chair. In 
the rear flat r. of c. is a door leading to kitchen; this 
door is now ajar and a gas stove is plainly visible. 
L. of c. are French doors leading to street. Door at 
L. leads to bedroom. Door at r. opens into back 
garden. Chair l. of kitchen door, also one down r. 
corner near sideboard. Window down l. Fireplace 
between door and window, with divan in front of it. 
Clock on mantle. As the curtain rises Thornton is 
heard whistling outside d. l. c. 

ENTER Thornton d. l. c, in high spirits. 

Thornton {as he enters). Hello there, wifey! 
{Throws hat on divan h., coat on chair l. of table, and 
paper on table. His quickness shows that he is energetic. 
Calls) Sweetheart! {Makes for kitchen and is con- 
fronted by the cold gas stove. Starts back disappointed) 
How's this? No dinner on ? {Runs over to d. l., a trifle 
annoyed) Say, Betty, do yon know what time it is? 
{Opens door, peeks in. Slowly) Wh-e-re the Dick- 
ens {Glances toward d. r. ; laughs) I have it! 

Picking fresh flowers for the table. Dear, sentimental 
girl! {As he runs out d. r., leaving it ajar) Here, 
there, Betty, more beefsteak and less roses ! 

ENTER Betty d. l. c. hurriedly, laden with parcels, 
sees Thornton's hat and the open d. r. 

Betty {disappointed). Oh, pshaw, he's here first! 



28 Wives On Strike 

Isn't that too bad! {Drops parcels on tcible and runs io 
D. R.) Thornton, sweetheart, did I keep you waiting 
long? 

ENTER Thornton d. r. 

Betty (throws arms around his neck and kisses him). 
Dear old widower ! 

Thornton {petulantly) . Betty, where have you been? 
(Crosses to l. c.) I'm famished! 

Betty. Don 't you remember ? I told you I promised 
auntie to help her serve tea at the *' Wives' Welfare 
Club"? (Laughs) That was the funniest meeting! 

Thornton (doesn't hear what she is saying). If you 
think a cold gas stove is a warm reception to a hungry 
man, you're off your top. 

Betty (pats his face. He sulks). Poor star-ved, abu- 
sed husband! (Runs into kitchen, d. r. c, turns on 
faucet and fills teakettle while she lights the top oven of 
range) The pot will be boiling in a second, and every- 
thing is ready to pop right into the oven. (Goes to 
table) 

Thornton (picks up paper savagely, opens it as if 
about to read, grumbles). Canned food to-night, I sup- 
pose? 

Betty (laughs merrily). No, siree, nothing doing. 
Canned goods have broken up many a happy family. 
(Removes parcels to sideboard) Fixed everything be- 
fore I left. You sit over there in that easy-chair and 
read your paper. 

Thornton (throws down paper) . Already read it. 

Betty. Coming out on the car? That's bad for the 
eyes. Then help me set the table. (Hands him coat) 

Thornton (takes it and throws it down on divan). 

I'll be blamed (B-etty looks surprised) Look here, 

Betty, you think I'm going to work like a slave all day 
and come home and set tables? 

Betty. I thought after bending over drawing so 
many hours you might like the exercise, but if you're 
tired, sit down, honey. Draw up that rocker and I'll tell 



Wives On Strike 29 

you all about that funny meeting. It was better than any 
play. (Thornton throws Jiimself savagely in rocJdng- 
chair l. and hegins to read paper, Betty whips off 
runners from table, folds them and replaces them vjitk 
plain linen ones. She takes silver and dishes from side- 
hoard and sets table for three) 

Thornton (furtively watching her). Who's the third 
l^erson ? 

Betty. Oh, Thornton, I 'm not quite sure if the end of 
the play was a comedy or tragedy. 

Thornton. The end of this one '11 be a tragedy if that 
dinner doesn't get here pretty soon. 

Betty (laughs; then becomes serious). But no joke, 
Thornton; Aunt Jane has left Uncle Bob. Isn't that 
dreadful? 

Thornton. Nonsense ! That aunt of yours has been 
threatening to leave ever since I 've known her. Where 
would she go, I 'd like to know ? 

Betty. She's coming here. 

Thornton (jumps up excitedly). Here? 

Betty. Yes ; to stay. 

Thornton. Stay? Not much! 

Betty. Maybe she won't stay long. 

Thornton. Maybe? Huh ha! You can bet your 
brand new hat she won't. 

Betty. But, Thornton 

Thornton. No, you can't talk to me. I won't have 
it! Won't have it! I'll quit the house! 

Betty, Goodness! Goodness! Don't get so excited. 
How could I tell her not to come after I've spent my 
whole life in their home? 

Thornton (drops into chair again). That's what we 
get for placing ourselves under obligations. Damn it ! 

Betty (coyly). You — swore. That's the first time 
I ever heard you swear. 

Thornton. It won't be the last if that aunt of yours 
camps on us long. 

Betty (laughs and whispers). I thought damn my- 
self. 



30 Wives On Strike 

Thornton {reprovingly), Betty! 

Betty. Oh, but I didn't say it. {Becomes serious) 
Anyway, dearest, we must make the best of it, and be- 
sides, to be under your influence will do Aunt Jane a 
world of good. (Thornton's pride responds) She'll 
leave this house with an entirely new idea of husbands. 
(Goes into kit chert) 

Thornton {between his teeth). Bet your sweet life 
she will. 

Betty {returning with haking dish). See that lovely 
meat loaf? Now, into the oven with you, and all ready 
in ten minutes. {Puts meat in oven) 

Thornton. Call that a dinner? Hash? 

Betty {disappointed) . Why, Thornton, the last time 
I made it you said to repeat the dose at least twice a week. 
It 's braised with carrots and onions and all sorts of good 
things. {Regaining her spirits) I'm going to turn the 
salad in here while I tell you how Aunt Jane happened to 
go on strike. {Brings big howl to table, also salad basket 
full of lettuce, oil, lemon, salt, pepper, and a clove of 
garlic. She rubs the garlic around bowl, prepares dress- 
ing, gives salad a few shakes, and empties it into the 
bowl, and turns it) 

Thornton. On strike? 

Betty. At first they voted that all the wives should 
go on strike. 

Thornton. Wives on strike! {Laughs) That's 
rich! Suckling babes '11 start a union next. And the 
fool men gave these creatures the vote ! 

Betty {surprised). Fool men? 

Thornton. Idiots ! I told them they were crazy, but 
they wouldn't believe me. 

Betty {astonished) . Thornton Albright, do you mean 
you didn't vote for woman suffrage? 

Thornton. Suffrage? For a bunch of nuts! 

Betty. But, Thornton, there's a certain percentage 
of fools among men too. {Indignant) The males don't 
have a monopoly on intelligence. Don't you think I 
know enough to vote ? 



Wives On Strike 31 

Thornton. Ill do your voting. 

Betty. But I don 't want any man to do my 



Thornton. Betty, I'm starved! Will you hurry up 
that dinner? 

Betty {mystified as she goes and looks in oven). 
And to think of the way he praised my campaign 
speeches ! 

Thornton. Didn't think I was going to take a chance 
on losing out just because of a little hot air, did you? 
(Betty comes back and walks about, a hit dazed, as if 
she were trying to think what next to do) These women 
that go around roasting their husbands to everybody who 
will lend them an ear ought to be tarred and feathered 
and rode out of town on a rail. 

Betty {still going round in a circle. To herself). 
And to think he didn't even vote for us! 

Thornton. Here I thought we were going to have a 
nice, cozy dinner with Reynold and 

Betty {waking up). Is Reynold coming to dinner 
again to-day? {Remembers it is the teapot she is looking 
for; gets it off sideboard) 

Thornton. I forgot to tell you. Set another plate. 

Betty. I wish you Avouldn 't invite him here so often. 

Thornton. You don't expect me to give up all my 
pals just because I'm married, do you? 

Betty. But, Thornton, that boy annoys me to death 
with his love-making. He doesn't seem to realize that 
I'm married. I should think you'd be jealous. 

Thornton. Jealous of a kid like him 1 I 'm not quite 
off my head yet. 

Betty. I know he doesn't mean any harm, but it's 
what other people think. Lily de Longpre was at the 
meeting this afternoon. 

Thornton {eagerly). Oh, was Lily there? 

Betty {not quite liking his enthusiasm. Peevishly) . 
Yes, she was there — and she insinuated that I was carry- 
ing on with Reynold. 

Thornton {laughs). Imagination! Ah! You've 
got a wonderful imagination, Lily's a nice little thing. 



32 Wives On Strike 

Betty (snaps). Yes, of the feline species. 

Thornton. Gee, I believe you're jealous! 

Betty. It'll not be through any fault of hers if I'm 
not. She'll never forgive me for rescuing you from her. 

Thornton. Kescuing? That's great! (Reynold 
heard wliistling rag-time off stage) That's Reynold 
now! {Runs to d. l. c, opens it) Hello, Rennie! 
(Betty goes into kitchen) 

Reynold (outside). Hello there, Thorny! (Thorn- 
ton returns to r. c.) 

ENTER Reynold d. l. c. 

Reynold. Where is la telle Betty? (Thornton 
points to kitchen. Reynold runs over to door) Ah! 
What a lovely domestic picture! (Turns to Thornton 
with mock gravity) Curses on you! 

Thornton (laughs). If j^ou'd entered here ten min- 
utes ago and found no kettle boiling, no meat sizzling, 
no wife at home, you'd be thankful that you're not en- 
trapped. 

Betty (flounces out of kitchen. Reynold is c, Betty 
R. c). Entrapped! I like that! Look here, Reynold 
Winburn, I want you to stop running around telling 
everybody that you came near drowning yourself when 
I married Thornton. (Tiiom^TON laughs) You needn't 
laugh. It's no joke. 

Reynold. Oh, but I did, until Thornton suggested a 
triangle. 

Betty. You little snip! -{Turns on Thornton) 
And as for you, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. 

Thornton. Think I want a wife that nobody else 
wants? (Betty flounces out into kitchen again. Throws 
down something. Thornton laughs at sound, then slaps 
Reynold on the shoulder) She takes you seriously. 

Reynold. She's caught the big idea. You beat me to 
her, most masterful man, but I'm going to make her see 
yet what she has lost. 

Thornton (laughs). You're refreshing! 



Wives On Strike 33 

Reynold. And persistent. But everything fair and 
above board. No gum shoe methods for your uncle 
Rennie. 

Thornton. Keep it up, lad! You're amusing! 

Reynold. Oh, 111 keep it up all ri', all ri'. Say, 
whom do you think I came near running over down the 
street ? 

Thornton. Haven't the remotest idea. 

Reynold. Your old flame, Lily, the . firebrand. She 
looked as if she would like a lift, but I thought walking 
would do her good. She's on her way here with a torch 
alight to singe your household gods. 

Thornton. I can't see what you and Betty have 
against poor Lily. She's a charming girl. 

Reynold. Yes; professional charmer. (Bell rings) 

ENTER Betty from kitchen. 

Betty. That 's Aunt Jane now. Open the door, Reyn- 
old. You may as well do something to earn your board. 
(Puts celery and other things on table. Reynold opens 
d. l. c.) 

ENTER Lily d. l. c. 

Lily. Oh-h! {Casting significant glance at 'Rwi^oisQ 
a^zcZ Betty) You here? 

Reynold. Told you I would be, didn't I? (Goes r. 
and helps Betty arrange table) 

Lily. Did you? I forgot. 

Reynold. Lily's forgettery is always working over- 
time. 

Lily. Thought I'd run in a minute, Betty, and talk 
over the meeting. {Glances at table) But I see I'm too 
early. I thought you dined at six. I know Thornton 
has always been accustomed to an early dinner. It's 
nearly seven. 

Betty {glancing at clock. Decidedly). It is just ten 
minutes to six. 

Lily. Indeed! My watch must be fast. {Looks at 
wrist watch) 



34 Wives On Strike 

Eeynold. Better be careful, Lily. It's risky for a, 
girl to have anything fast about her. 

Lily {to Betty). I suppose you had to stop and get 
some chops? Clubwomen always feed their families on 
chops and potato chips. 

Betty (angrily). I stopped to get some fruit. 

Lily. I remember now, you are a raw food advocate. 

Thornton (cordially). You'll stay to dinner, of 
course. Our table seats just four. 

Lily (to Betty). If you insist. 

Betty. Oh, if you have any other engagement 

Lily. But I haven't. It will be like old times. Yon 
and Reynold, and Thornton and I. ( Tosses hat on chair 
near sideboard) 

Thornton. A quadrangle is more interesting than a 
triangle. (Lily elevates her brows and looks pityingly 
at Thornton) Reynold, open some canned soup for 
Betty. 

Betty. Yes, do. (Sarcastically) I didn't anticipate 
a dinner party. 

Lily. Poor Thornton, I hope you haven't come to 
canned soups. 

Betty (asi^Ze to Reynold). Cat! 

Lily (to Thornton). I know how you always doted 
on fresh things. 

Reynold. Yes, Thornton has a weakness for the 
fresh. (He gives Betty a knowing glance as he nods 
toward Lily) [EXIT Reynold and Betty into kitchen 

Lily (approaching Thornton seductively). Well, 
Thornton, how are you anyway? 

Thornton. I coidd take a little nourishment. 

Lily. It surprised me to see Betty going in for club 
work so soon. 

Thornton. You're not more surprised than I. Betty 
has been such a little home bird. 

Lily. Yes; Betty has always used domesticity as a 
drawing card. It would be rather a good joke on you, 
Thornton, to find yourself hitched for life to a feminist. 

Thornton. I don't believe Betty is quite so bad as 



Wives On Strike 35 

that. She's a natural home builder. She made almost 
every stick of furniture in this room. 

Lily. What? You're joking. How? 

Thornton. Out of old packing boxes. She spent the 
whole year before we were married making them at the 
night school. 

Lily. Cl-e-ver girl ! 

Thornton (proudly). Yes, very ingenious. 

Lily. It would never have occurred to me to make out 
of the latest furniture fad a hook to catch a husband. 

Thornton (impressed; letting lier words sink in. 
Slowly). Gee! I never thought of that. 

Lily (with meaning). No — you wouldn't; you're so 
honest. 

Thornton (angrily). If I thought 

Lily. Don't! Husbands were not made to think. 
Speaking of husbands you should have heard the way 
they were fried to a crisp by the * * Wives ' Welfare Club ' ' 
this afternoon. 

Thornton. I'm surprised they permitted a bachelor 
maid. 

Lily. They weren't exactly overjoyed, but I was de- 
termined the poor husbands should have some representa- 
tion. You know all males were verhoten. 

Thornton. Who were the bunch? Any one I know? 

Lily. I should say so. Pat Duggan, the clothes 
horse; Ura Lamb, of angelic disposition and 

Thornton. Carrying a ton of adipose tissue. 

Lily (always lauglis at Thornton's witticisms; that 
is one reason he likes her). Shesha Nut, the court fool. 
The child nearly caused a riot. Then there was 

Thornton (sniffing with disdain). Huh! And of 
course they discussed the latest scientific method of popu- 
lating the world, and all such claptrap ! 

Lily (shaking her finger at him). Naughty! 

Thornton (exasperated) . The idea of Betty getting 
mixed up with a bunch of nuts like that! (Drops into 
rocking-chair) 

Lily (draws a chair close to him and sits), I felt it 



36 Wives On Strike 

my duty to let you know. The name — '* Wives' Welfare 
Club ' ' — would lead a person to think it was some harm- 
less society, but it is revolutionary. 

Thornton. Revolutionary ? 

Lily. Yes; they are sworn to overthrow the govern- 
ment of man. 

Thornton. Good Lord! They're anarchists! 

Lily. Regular Bolshevists. 

Thornton. What did Betty think of all that non- 
sense 1 

Lily. I leave that to you. 

Thornton. She didn't tell me. 

Lily {knowingly). But she showed the stand she 
takes by inviting her aunt to come here and stay. You 
know her aunt Jane was the one chosen to go on strike to 
make a test case. 

Thornton. And you say Betty sympathized with 
those women in their stupidity? 

Lily. I don't wish to sky anything against Betty, 
Thornton. Never shall it be said that I did anything to 
estrange man and wife. 

Thornton {drops his hand on her hand that rests on 
the arm of his chair). You're a good girl, Lily. 

Lily {snuggling) . Goodness counts for so little with 
you men. 

Thornton. Oh, yes, it does, in the long run. 

Lily {laying her other hand over his and looMng at 
him sympathetically). Oh, Thornton, I'm afraid you're 
not happy. 

ENTER Reynold from kitchen, wearing bungalow 
apron, sees familiar attitude of Thornton and Lily. 
He coughs, hut they are too absorbed in each other 
to notice. Betty is about to come in from kitchen. 
Reynold jumps back and forth in door to prevent 
her seeing them. She can't understand his reason 
for such crazy actions; finally, losing patience, she 
gives him a push l., ivJiich causes him almost to lose 
his balance. Betty stands a moment looking at 



Wives On Strike 37 

Thornton and Lily. He is listening with much 
pleasure to Lily, who is exploiting her sex attraction 
to the limit. 

Betty {snaps out). Dinner is ready! (Lily keeps 
on talking with much animation to Thornton. Both are 
oblivious of Betty's presence) 

Reynold. Oh boy! 

Betty {turns to Reynold). Get a megaphone. {Auto 
horn heard off stage) That's Aunt Jane now. {Angrily 
to Thornton) Thornton, perhaps Lily could manage to 
exist alone long enough for you to open the door. {Gets 
■tray holding covered tureen of soup from kitchen^ re- 
turns, sets tureen on table. Reynold takes the tray) 

Thornton. I won't! (Goes to extreme r.) 

Lily {sweetly). I Avill, dear. {Opens d. l. c. Bob 
Spink stands in door with broad grin on his face) 

Bob. Am I too late for dinner f 

TuoKNTON {relieved). I should say not. Come right 
in, Uncle Bob. 

ENTER Bob d. l. c. 

Betty. But where is auntie? 

Bob. Sorry, but I can't give you the exact informa- 
tion. Cafeterias are her favorite sport. They're too 
swift for me. 

Lily {laughs). Cafeterias swift? {Remains l. of 
Bob) 

Bob (Reynold stands next to Bob, listening and hold- 
ing tray). Here, young man, give me that tray and I'll 
show you what happened the last time I ate in one. 
{Grabs tray and begins to whistle rag-time. He never 
gets a tune quite right. Reynold catches the idea and 
whistles it correctly, while Bob gives his whole attention 
to balancing the tray and stepping to the rag-time. He 
is very ludicrous and finally pretends to empty the con- 
tents of tray down Lily's back. She screams and goes 
down l. Everybody laughs but Bob) And the lady 
threatened to sue me if I didn't fork over for a brand 



38 Wives On Strike 

new dress. It didn't have more than two yards of goods 
in it, but it cost a cool hundred. No more jazz cafes for 
your uncle Bob. 

Betty. But we have been expecting Aunt Jane every 
minute. 

Bob {scared). Here? 

Thornton. That 's what I said, ' * Here ! ' ' 

Bob. Oh, my dear, I don't think she had better see 
me — not until she's had her dinner anyway. 

Betty. But how about your dinner? 

Bob. Just give me a snack in there. {Points to d. l.) 
I 'm sure it will be safer. 

Betty. Poor Uncle Bob ! {Bell rings) 

Bob. That's her now. Don't let on I'm here. 
(EXITS quickly d. l. Eeynold opens d. l. c. Clara, 
on seeing Jiim, stops eniharrassed. She carries a covered 
plate in her hand) 

Clara. Oh, Mr. Winburn, I didn't know you were 
here. 

Reynold. I'm jolly glad to see you. How do you 
think I look as a domestic animal? {Flops apron) 

Clara {laughs). Oh, so funny! 

Betty. Come in, Clara, and see what a handy man 
Eeynold is about the house. 

Clara {embarrassed). Thanks, but I can't stay. I 
didn't know you had company. Mother made a cake 
this afternoon and sent over some. 

ENTER Clara d. l. c. 

Thornton. Your mother's cake is the best ever. 
Reynold and Lily are such old friends, we don't consider 
them company. 

Lily {ivith a significant smile at Betty). No, indeed. 
Reynold is just like a brother. 

Betty {shoots an angry glance at Lily, then turns 
smiling on Clara). I'll have to hang you on the chan- 
delier, Clara, but you're welcome. 

Reynold. Yes, do stay. 



Wives On Strike 39 

Bob {peeps in at D. l.). Wasn't it her? {Bell rings 
again. He jumps hack into room, slamming door) 
Good night ! 

Betty {opens d. l. c). It's only those bad boys who 
live down the street. They're always ringing people's 
bells. {Closes door and goes over to table) 

Reynold {to Clara). Don't go. {Nods toward bed- 
room) Aren't you interested in seeing how the strike 
will end? 

Clara {with a shy glance, hands plate to Reynold). 
I'd like to stay, but mother is expecting me. 

Betty. Maybe you can come back later. (Clara 
looks up at Reynold inquiringly) 

Reynold {to Clara). You didn't forget our engage- 
ment this evening, did you ? 

Clara. No, but if you're busy, I don't mind not 
going. 

Thornton. Rennie told me he had asked you to go 
to the theater to-night. I thought he might as well have 
dinner with us. 

Reynold. Will you be ready about eight? 

Clara. If you wish. Good-bye. 

Betty. Good-bye, Clara. Thanks for the cake. 

Clara. Oh, you're welcome. {Withdraws, casting a 
last shy glance at Reynold, who nods pleasantly) 

[EXIT D. L. c. 

Betty. There isn't any use for us to wait any longer 
for Aunt Jane. The soup will be stone cold. You sit 
there, Lily. {Points to front wing of table. Lily goes 
to chair) Thornton, you here. {Touches left wing. 
Thornton takes place beside it) Don't be formal; sit 
down. (Thornton and Lily sit) Reynold, I'm glad 
you are going to take Clara to the theater. {Touches 
wing at back) Aunt Jane here, {Motions to right wing) 
and you {Nods to Reynold) there. 

Reynold {not going to table). Clara has a corking 
disposition, appreciates every little thing a fellow does. 

Lily {sarcastically). Isn't it strange the girls who 
have the best dispositions remain single as a rule? 



40 Wives On Strike 

Reynold. Not throwing any bouquets at yourself, are 
you, Lily? {To Betty) Where are you going to sitf 

Betty. There's only room for four, so I'll wait. 

Reynold (brings another chair), I'll squeeze in here 
between Lily and Thornton. {Sits at junction of two 
wings. Lily looks annoyed and moves her chair a hit 
to R.) 

Betty. All right. {Takes up another soup plate 
from sideboard) 

Thornton {crossly). Silly making a crazy table like 
this! 

Betty. "When we saw that one at the Exposition, you 
thought it the cutest idea. 

Thornton. Oh, the shape is all right, but there's not 
enough room. 

Betty. You wanted me to make it just big enough for 
two. 

Lily. Did you, Thornton? (Shakes her finger at 
Mm teasingly. Reynold almost hites it) Oh, quit ! 

Thornton (ashamed). Certainly not. 

Betty (puts soup plate hack on sideboard) . It is too 
crowded. You come over here, Reynold. (Reynold 
protests) Please don't argue. (Reynold takes seat at 
R. wing) Aunt Jane has probably changed her mind 
about coming. I'll sit here. (Sits at back of table. 
D. L. c. opens. Jane stoops and takes up big hat-box that 
she has set down to open the door) 

ENTER Jane d. l. c, stands red and perspiring, puffing 
and panting, holding the hat-box in one hand, the 
parrot cage in the other, and a stuffed carryall par- 
tially concealing the parrot. 

Polly. Polly want a cracker! (Everybody turns at 
sound) 

Thornton (mutters). Good Lord! 

Betty (starts toward Jane). Oh, auntie, why didn't 
you get a boy to help you with your luggage ? 

Jane (in voice of thunder). I want no favor from 
any man ! Is dinner ready ? 



Wives On Strike 41 

Betty. Yes; we had about given you up. 

Jane. Thornton, take this parrot. 

Polly. To hell with the men! I'm on strike! 
(Everybody hut Thornton and Jane laugh. Thornton 
refuses to move) 

Betty {takes parrot). I'll set it here until after din- 
ner. {Puts cage on small table up c. Tlie fern leaves 
partially conceal it. Keynold takes Jane's Jiat-hox and 
deposits it on chair near kitchen. Jane tosses her carry- 
all on top of Thornton's hat, which is on divan l., 
smashing hat flat) 

Thornton {starts up angrily). That's my hat! 

Jane {grandiloquently) . What's a hat at a time like 
this? {Takes her own hat off hurriedly and tosses it on 
top of carryall. Thornton goes over and takes his hat 
from under caiTyall and tries to restore it to form, places 
it on rocker l. He is mad through and through. Jane 
drops in his seat at table) 

Thornton {turns and sees her in Ms place). You're 
in my place. (Goes to table) 

Jane. I 'm down now and I 'm not going to move. 

Betty. Here, take my place, Thornton. 

Thornton (goes to back of table, then turns to 
Betty). But where '11 you sit? 

Betty. Oh, I'll serve. 

Jane. Betty, stay where you are. You have had a 
strenuous afternoon. Thornton can eat off the mantel. 
(Thornton pouts and Betty pushes him down into her 
seat) 

Reynold {jumps up). Say, let me serve. It'll be a 
lot of fun. 

Betty. No, stay where you are. 

3 Ki>i^ {tastes soup). What delicious soup ! 

Thornton {glares). Canned! {Tastes it; makes 
ivry face) Dishwater! {Pushes it from him) 

Jane {severely). Thornton, canned soups are made 
in places far more sanitary than the average kitchen. It 
is both nourishing and economical. 

Thornton. Economical? Then it has no place in 
our home. 



42 Wives On Strike 

Jane. The last time you Avere at our house you said 
you didn't see how Betty could make your wages stretch 
such a long way round. You're trying to change the 
subject, young man. (Bob puts his head in door and 
listens) But I'll have you know that I never saw the 
man yet that could switch me from my argument. (Bob 
nods acquiescence) Canned soups conserve the energy 
of wives who are forced to do their own cooking. 

Polly. I'm on strike! {Everybody hut Thornton 
laughs) 

Thornton. Shut up! {Rises and strides over to 
rocking-chair) 

Lily {sweetly). I suppose I am old-fashioned, but 
the preparation of savory food for our loved ones seems 
to me a delightful privilege. 

Thornton {beams across the room at her). Such 
sentiments do you honor. 

Betty {rises; bangs the soup plates together. To 
Lily). You must have changed your mind since we 
w^ent to college together. When I took up domestic 
science, you said you wouldn't cook a meal for the best 
man alive. 

Reynold. Down one! {Rises and follows Betty to 
kitchen) I'll bring the roast. 

Thornton. We've had the roast. 

Jane. Do you mean me, young man ? 

Polly. I'm on strike! 

Thornton {twists the newspaper and throws it at the 
bird). Shut up! 

Jane {to Thornton). Sit down! (Thornton sits 
on his hat. Feels it under Mm and rises furious. The 
others laugh. Thornton returns to table and begins to 
eat the celery. Reynold comes from kitchen carrying a 
well-filled plate of food. Betty carries platter with 
meat loaf and vegetables , which have previously been 
arranged ready to serve. She tvhispers to Reynold and 
nods toward d. l. Bob is peeking out, exhibiting great 
satisfaction at sight of food. As Reynold starts toivard 
bedroom, Jane turns, looks up; Bob quickly withdraws. 
Jane to Reynold) Where are you going? 



Wives On Strike 43 

Reynold {at first tries to hide plate heliind Mm, hut at 
sigJit of Janets astonishment, he stutteringly explains), 
I thought the parrot might be hungry. 

Jane. But he can't eat all that. 

Reynold {laughs with embarrassment). I thought 
I'd keep him company. 

Jane {returns to table, satisfied with explanation). 
So considerate ! "What a lovely girl he would have made ! 
(Reynold doesn't like this, but it amuses Teiornton) 

Reynold {quickly goes over and shoves plate into out- 
stretched hand of Bob, ivho closes door softly. Goes 
back to bird. Betty has put platter in front of Thorn- 
ton) Pretty Polly! (Dodges into kitchen) 

Polly. To hell with the men! 

Thornton {thaws a bit at sight of food). I'm sur- 
prised, Aunt Jane, at your keeping a profane bird. 

Jane. You men relieve your feelings yourselves; we 
women have to relieve ours by proxy. 

Thornton {to Lily). May I offer you some {Sarcas- 
tically) hash? {JjihY passes plate) 

Jane. Betty, is that meat loaf made after my recipe ? 

Betty. Yes, aunt. 

Jane {severely). Thornton, you said that meat loaf 
was the best thing you ever tasted. Were those your 
pre-marriage manners? (Thornton serves himself and 
begins to eat) 

Betty {is shocked and motions Mm to serve Jane, but 
he stubbornly shakes his head). Aunt Jane, help your- 
self. (Jane does so) 

ENTER Reynold from kitchen, carrying dish of corn 

bread. 

Reynold {putting corn bread in front of Tftornton). 
We nearly forgot the piece de resistance, corn bread ! 

Thornton {takes up piece and iveighs it in his hand). 
Did you say, pound bread? 

Betty {hurt). Thornton, you seem to forget that I 
specialized in domestic science. This bread is as light 



44 Wives On Strike 

as a feather (Betty goes into kitchen. They all eat 
in a different manner. Lily toys with her food fastidi- 
ously, as if the flavor was not quite to her liking; Reyn- 
old and Jane eat with great gusto; and Thornton tries 
to keep from eating, hut his appetite gets the better of 
him) 

Eeynold. Thorny, if I had a wife that could make 
corn bread like this, I'd be so tame I'd eat out of her 
hand. 

ENTER Betty from kitchen with pie, and takes it to 

sideboard. 

LiLY' {glances from him to Betty, then knowingly at 
Thornton. Thornton's face is toward audience and it 
reflects each one of Lily's expressions) . No doubt you 
would. 

Thornton {throws down napkin annoyed). You're 
getting too fresh around here ! 

Reynold. I told you I was going to be. 

Betty. Thornton, aren't you going to have some 
salad? You always say no meal is complete without 
salad. {Takes bowl of salad from sideboard and puts it 
on table) 

Thornton {cynically) . You don't call this a meal, do 
you? A fine mixture for a person who pretends to be a 
dietitian ! 

Betty. There is nothing about this meal that could 
possibly injure a healthy person. Certainly no one here 
looks much like an invalid. 

Thornton. Not now, but we soon will be if we have 
to live on this sort of grub. 

Jane. Betty, is this the angel husband you flung in 
our faces all afternoon? If your uncle Bob grumbled 
about my cooking as he does about yours I'd 

Polly. I'm on strike! 

Thornton {starts toward bird). I'll strangle that 
devilish bird ! 

Jane {grabbing his coat tail). If you touch my par- 



Wives On Strike 45 

rot I'll have you arrested for assault and battery. 
{Otliers rise) 

Thornton {yells) . You and your bird can go to 

Betty. Thornton ! 

Jane. Thornton Albright, you may bully your wife 
but you can 't bully me ! 

Thornton. If you think you're going to come here 
and break up my home, you're off your trolley! 

Jane. Break up your home ? Hum ! Ha ! If there 
is any home breaker around, it certainly isn't Aunt Jane. 
(Glares at Lily, who tosses Ifier head) 

Thornton. And I'll let you know you can't insult 
my guests. You're not dealing with soft-hearted Uncle 
Bob this time, old lady. (Goes l.) 

J Ai^E {taken aback). Old lady! {Then vehemently) 
How dare you bring his name into this? If he were here 
he'd show you where to get ofP. {With pride) Bob 
Spink is a gentleman. {Turns toward table) 

Bob {has been peering out, listening. Chuckles to 
himself, comes out quickly and jerks open D. l. c. as if he 
had just entered) . Here ! Here ! "What 's all this row ? 
I heard you way down the street. {Takes c.) 

Jane {stands a moment surprised). Bob! Oh, Bob! 
Thank heaven ! ( Throws herself into his arms. Breaks 
down) 1 want to go home. I was never so insulted in 
all my life. 

Bob {holds her head tight against his breast, winks at 
Thornton, but speaks ivith great fierceness). Young 
man, I will see you again! {With much solicitude) 
Poor abused Jenny! Get your hat, dearie! (Jane takes 
up hat from divan and jams it on her head askew. Bob 
piits his arm around her waist with mock concern and 
leads her to d. l. c. Turns to Thornton again and winks. 
Boars) Yes, again, soon! 

Polly. I'm on strike! 

Jane. Oh, shut up! (EXITS quickly d. l. c. Bob 
casts a mischievous glance backward to Thornton as he 
follows her) 

Betty (goes o. to Thornton). You've insulted her. 



46 Wives On Strike 

Thornton. Do you take her part against me? 

Betty. She is older than we. 

Thornton (to Lily). Lily, I leave it to you. Do you 
think that old termagant had a right to perch herself 
on us? 

Betty. You are speaking of my aunt. 

Lily. Please don't ask me, Thornton. Betty and I 
never saw with the same eyes. 

Betty. Oh, yes, we did, when I was half blind, but 
my vision is clearing. 

Lily (scenting a storm). I really must be going. I 
forgot I have an invitation to a box party. ( Gets on her 
Jiat) 

Betty. Reynold, run Lily over in your car. 

Lily (as she opens d. l. c. and steps outside). That 
will be fine, Reynold. Good night, Thornton. 

Thornton. Good night, Lily. Come again. 

Lily. Thanks, I will. Good night, Betty dear. 

[EXIT D. L. c. 

Betty (as Reynold makes gesture of protest). Do as 
I tell you. (Goes to d. r.) I want to get a breath of 
air. [EXIT d. r. 

Reynold (goes down confidentially to Thornton). 
She's mad, Thorny. Never saw that look in her eye be- 
fore. You've gone a bit too far this time. Better be 
careful. 

Thornton, I don 't need any lessons from a whipper- 
snapper like you. (Crosses to r.) 

Reynold (seriously). Thorny^ old boy, you're both 
my — well — my world. Don't forget that. Don't! 

l^noKiHTO^ (pats his shoulder) . I won't, boy. You're 
a good s'cout. [EXIT Reynold d. l. c. 

ENTER Betty d. r. 

Thornton (goes hack to l.). This is certainly the 
end of a perfect day. Dinner party broken up before 
dessert. 

Betty (giving him a sharp look). We'll have our 
dessert now. 



Wives On Strike 47 

Thornton {a hit afraid) . That's good! Pie? 

Betty {with cutting sarcasm) . Do you think the crust 
will suit you? 

Thornton (with great amiability). Your crust al- 
ways suits me. (Goes to table) 

Betty. Then I'll give you your pie. (She takes pie 
from sideboard and cuts it) 

Thornton. Aren't you going to have any? (Sits 
back of table and eats pie) 

Betty {moves l., away from table). No, I've had 
mine. Too much sweetness isn't, healthful. {Wanders 
about handling things without seeing them, settling in 
her mind her mode of action) 

Thornton. For the Lord's sake, sit down ! You give 
me the jimmies. 

Betty {takes center and stands still). I'm rather 
glad I Avent to that meeting to-day. 

Thornton. That's it ! That infernal club started all 
this row. They're a bunch of nuts. 

Betty. You're quite right. 

Thornton {rises and starts toward her). There, 
that's my own girl talking. 

Betty {waves him off). Yes, to use your elegant 
term, they're nuts. They want to shift their responsi- 
bilities on somebody else's shoulders. 

Thornton {with aggrieved air). Yes, on mine. 
{Drops in chair at Ij. wing of table) 

Betty. But when it comes to my aunt 

Thornton {rises). That's it! Your aunt! She 
started all this trouble. 

Betty {smiles). And who else? 

Thornton {feeling abused). Your aunt ought to 
have enough sense to know I can't support her. The 
responsibility of a wife is enough for a young man's 
shoulders. {Takes chair at front of table and turns it 
so he faces audience; sits) 

Betty. Too much. 

Thornton {lordly, as he stretches himself). No-o; 
not when she conserves the resources. 



48 Wives On Strike 

Betty (looks at Mm a moment before speaking). 
Strange — but during our courtship it never occurred to 
me to ask you about your ideas of the duty of a wife. 

Thornton {laughing; ratJier importantly). My ideas 
of the duties of a wife? {Tips hack in his chaii^) Well, 
I'm clear on that point. 

Betty {meaningly) . I'm sure you are. 

Thornton {glad of chance to air his views). First: 
A woman's place is in the home. {He says this as if he 
had discovered the phrase) 

Betty {mildly). All the time? 

Thornton. I don't get you. 

Betty. You believe Avhenever a man comes home he 
should find his wife — waiting? 

Thornton. You got it. 

Betty. But suppose she shouldn't be waiting — al- 
ways? 

Thornton {with self-confidence). Oh, but if she 
loves him, she will be. 

Betty {smiles). Oh, I see! {Siveetly, ivithout rais- 
ing her voice) And in case she happened not to be wait- 
ing, her husband should — raise — a hell of a row 1 

Thornton. Why, Betty! 

Betty. And the Avife should cheerfully entertain all 
his friends and ancient amourettes, while he reserves the 
right to insult the ones that are dear to her? 

Thornton {excusing himself). Aunt Jane is not 
your friend, she's your aunt. {He says this facetiously, 
trying to make her think it funny, hut she remains in- 
flexible, much to his discomfort) 

Betty. Yes, she's my aunt. {With feeling) She is 
the person who took me in when I was left an orphan, 
and sent me through school. Do you know why I spe- 
cialized in domestic science? 

Thornton. To be a good wife to some man, I sup- 
pose. 

Betty (smiles). What a masculine answer! But I 
didn't. It was because I wanted to be capable to earn 
my own living. That is why I chose a profession that is 



Wives On Strike 49 

always in demand. But we were discussing the duties 
of wif eliood. 

Thornton (rising). Don't let us say anything more 
about it, dear. You agree with me, I know. 

Betty. And one of the wife's duties is to listen with 
lamblike docility to her husband's grumbling and growl- 
ing? 

Thornton {self -pityingly) . I don't see what's the 
use of l^eing married if a fellow can't be natural in his 
own home. (Puts Ms hands in pockets and strides over 
to L. corner) 

Betty. And by being natural you mean the release 
of all self-restraint, the right to let loose all the badness 
in you? Why, Thornton Albright, you don't want mu- 
tual friendship, mutual love, mutual helpfulness! You 
want a bound slave who gives and gives and humbly ac- 
cepts what her master's whims may offer. You're be- 
hind the times, dear man. The Emancipation Proclama- 
tion, freeing all slaves, was published by Abraham Lin- 
coln January first, eighteen hundred and sixty-three. 

Thornton. I don't need any lesson in American his- 
tory, nor have I diWj desire to be a slaveholder. 

Betty. No? Then if it's the present system of hir- 
ing servants that you advocate, you are still behind the 
times, for the workers to-day demand short hours, good 
pay, and fair treatment. 

Thornton. I want a wife, not a servant. 

Betty. Yes, you Avant a wife to boss. I regret that 
after one month's trial I cannot qualify, so I quit the 
job. 

Thornton. Oh, ho! That's rich! (Crosses to r.) 
You've got the strike bug too. Why, my dear, you fell 
out of college into my arms. I've no desire to see my 
wife starve. 

Betty. If you think a scientifically trained house- 
keeper and dietitian is going to starve, you certainly 
don't read the want ads. I'll prove to you that I shall 
be more in demand in my new position than in the onQ 
I'm quitting. 



50 Wives On Strike 

Thornton. Great Scott, Betty! You're not serious? 

Betty. Both serious and determined. 

Thornton (disappointed) . Then you don't love me 
any more? 

Betty. Yes, I do; and I'll make you not only love 
but respect me as well. 

Thornton. Not respect you? Oh, come now, that's 
too much! (Coining toward her) 

Betty. In spite of all you say I've found out to-day 
that in your eyes a wife is an employee first of all, a per- 
son to attend to your wants. Very well, then if marriage 
is a business deal, I demand the same consideration that 
exists between boss and man. 

Thornton. What do you know about the relations of 
employer and employee? 

Betty. I know that the Strike is the modern weapon 
of protest, and I intend to use that weapon to get what I 
want. 

Thornton (hadly frightened). Then you are going 
to give me up? 

Betty. No, but I'm going to walk out until you give 
up the tradition of man's superiority to woman. 

Thornton. That's no tradition; it's a fact. 

Betty. Very well. Prove that you are my superior 
in fighting the battle of life. [EXITS hastily d. l. 

Thornton (looks after her astonished, then chuckles 
to himself. Takes a cigar out of his pocket, hites off the 
end, lights it; sits in rocker and prepares to enjoy him- 
self. Looks quizzically toward door and calls) Betty! 
(No answer. Takes another puff or tivo) Bet-t-y! 
(Looks rather surprised. Rises and goes to d. l., looks 
into room) Oh, I say, come now, Betty, don't pack up. 
If anybody's got to go, let it be me. (Throws away 
cigar. Betty closes d. l. Thornton shakes his head in 
a troubled manner. Puts on his hat and coat; takes some 
hank notes from his pocket, glances totvard the closed 
door, then takes out notebook and writes. Goes to table 
and puts the money down with the note, looks for a 
weight to hold them down. Sets a salt shaker on them, 



Wives On Strike 61 

then decides on tlie sugar howl instead. While doing 
this Ms eyes take in the untouched food. He rememhers 
he hasn't finished his dinner and is still hungry. He 
cuts the meat loaf. Calls) Where do you keep the 
wrapping paper? (No answer. He takes the slice of 
meat loaf and a piece of pie and EXITS into kitchen) 

ENTER Betty d. l., wearing coat, hat, and carrying a 
hand-hag. She notices that Thornton's coat and 
hat are gone. As she glances toward tahle oh serves 
the note and money. She sets her hag down near 
D. L. c, GOES to tahle, picks up money and note, reads 
note and tosses the money indifferently on to the 
table, then her eyes fall on the meat loaf. She re- 
memhers she hasnH had any dinner. Picks up a 
slice of meat and a piece of pie, saunters away from 
tahle over toward fireplace. Just as she is taking a 
hite of pie Thornton comes to kitchen door, eating 
the pie with one hand and holding the package of 
meat loaf in other hand. Betty turns at the sound. 
They gaze at each other astonished, each with the pie 
in mouth. Thornton drops the food and holts out 
of D. R, ; Betty also drops food and rushes for 
D. L. c, grahhing hand-hag, makes a hasty EXIT. 

CURTAIN 



52 Wives On Strike 



ACT III 

SCENE. — Eecepiion-room in Betty's Diet Kitchen. 
About 6.30 p. M. Six weeks later, up r. a window 
faces the street, on which is %>ainted in hold letters 
''Betty's Diet Kitchen/^ the reverse side of the 
letters showing. Farther down r. is a door leading 
to street. Another door at l. leads into the private 
dining-room. French doors up c. ; when open the 
main dining-room is plainly seen. At l. of c. d. is 
a desk with chair, on which are stacked menus of 
different colors, l, of desk is an arm-chair. To R. 
of c. D. a settee is placed across corner of room. 
Table with Boston fern in front of window, down 
R. is another arm-chair, down l. is a tete-a-tete. 
Wicker furniture tvith bright pillows and cushions, 
as desired. All the woodwork is of light color, and 
a pleasing color scheme gives a sense of harmony. 

NOTE.— 7ti order to make the play more effective the 
scenery can be arranged as follows: By omitting a 
very few lines of the text and some of the stage 
business the play can be easily performed without 
the following: When c. d. opens, people in the rear 
dining-room can be seen sitting at tables, eating and 
talking together; pretty girls and handsome young 
men attend to their wants. The waiters and wait- 
resses wear simple but attractive costumes, not alike, 
and appear more like hosts and hostesses than paid 
waiters. When the patrons finish their dinner they 
move away, and the waiters prepare the tables for 
others, d. l. leading to the private dining-room is 
always open, but greenery conceals tables and or- 
chestra. Before the curtain rises, music of soothing, 
nerve-resting kind can be faintly heard. This con- 
ti^iues with some intermissions through the entire 
act, except when a patron asks for jazz music. 



Wives On Strike 53 

DISCOVERED, Betty talking to Clara, wTio is busy 
arranging the menu cards. 

Clara. But, Betty, some of the patrons don't want 
to take the health menus you prescribe. 

Betty. If these people place themselves under my 
care to be cured, they must follow my orders. If they 
don't want to do so, there are plenty of other restaurants 
where they can mix any death-dealing combination of 
food, and where they can stuff themselves until they 
haven 't energy enough to either move or think. 

Clara. It is because the food is so good that it is 
hard for them to diet. 

Betty. A lot of them come for curiosity, just to see 
if Thornton and I will make up. 

Clara. They do gossip considerably, but I wouldn't 
mind if I were you. 

Betty. I suppose it does look queer for Thornton to 
eat here all the time, when we are not living together. 
But what could I do? This is a public restaurant. 

Clara (looks observantly at Betty). Mr. Albright 
says it is the best in the city. 

Betty {tosses her head). How gracious of him! 

Clara (glancing out of window). There come Mrs. 
Lamb and her husband. 

Betty (also glancing out). Oh, the lion and the 
lamb. 

Clara (innocently). He doesn't act a bit like I 
thought a cave man would act. 

Betty (smiling). No? Well, you see, honey, a pub- 
lic restaurant isn't exactly the place for a barbarian to 
show off to advantage. 

Clara. Then you really think he is so bad? 

Betty (seriously). One can never tell. Better be 
careful not to arouse him. 

ENTER Ura Lamb d. r. 

Ura (in doorway y to her husband, who stops outside, 
his face almost against ivindow, staring at Betty's sign). 
Come on in. What are you staring at, Jim? 



54 Wives On Strike 

ENTER Jim Lamb n.n. 

Jim. I was only trying to decipher some cryptic sig:- 
niiicanee in Mrs. Albright 's semiography, my dear. The 
words ''Betty's Diet Kitchen'' are epigraphic, I quite 
understand, but there must be some hidden 

IJra. Gracious me ! That man can 't even read a sim- 
ple sign without trying to find out some hidden meaning. 
(Jim has vjalked over to window and is still gazing at 
reverse side of sign) Come away from there ! {Angrily 
drags liitn from window^ hut lie keeps looJdng hack, 
wrinkling his brow and talking to himself, as if decipher- 
ing some hieroglyph. Betty advances, shakes hands 
with Ura, crosses and extends her hand to Jim, who 
doesn't see it, so absorbed is he. Ura shouts) Jim! 
{He jumps, looks about frightened, sees Betty's out- 
stretched hand, lets his drop into it, but with no warmth 
of response, and goes on thinking out his problem) 
Betty, I want to talk to you a minute before the rush 
arrives. Jim! {He is again buried in thought) Jim! 
{He takes out pencil and pad and begins to write. Ura 
grabs hold of his arm and he arouses with a start. She 
drags him c. and gives him a push toward desk, where 
Clara stands waiting) Get the menus and go in and 
order the dinner. Do you remember the numbers ? 

Jim {dazed). Numbers? 

Ura. Yes. {Decidedly) Numbers two and ten. 

Jim. Oh, yes, two — mind stimulation. Two, stimula- 
tion ; two, mind. 

Ura {to Betty). What did you give him a fish diet 
for ? He has so much mind now that he hasn 't an ounce 
of common sense. 

Jim. There is some connection between the words and 
the numbers. She intends to convey the idea that 

Ura {provoked). Convey nothing! Get numbers 
two and ten, and don't stop to think until you are seated 
at the table and have given the cards to the waiter. 

Jim. I'll try, my dear, to follow your instructions. 
(Goes toivard Clara, but can not resist jotting down 
something else in his book. Ura talks to Betty. He 



Wives On Strike 55 

IS ahout to pass Clara ivhen she touches his arm respect- 
fully. He looks up inquiringly) 

Clara. Your cards, sir. 

Jim. Oh, ye-es. Number six and number thirteen, 
please. 

Clara. Two and ten, you mean, sir. (Smiles sweetly 
and hands him two cards. He takes them, much em- 
harrassed, and again begins to think of the cryptic sign; 
walks into the wall. Sees his mistake and makes a dash 
for the dining-room) [EXIT d. c. 

Ura {continuing in audible tone). Yes, I should say 
we did have a terrible time to make your Aunt Jane 
see that it is her duty to the ''Wives' Welfare Club" to 
resume the strike. She wouldn't give in though until 
we promised her a suite at the Alexandria. Goodness 
knows how the money Avill be raised to pay for it unless 
we go through our husbands' pockets when they're 
asleep. 

Betty (laughs). That'll not be an entirely new ex- 
periment, will it? 

Ura. I don't need to wait until Jim's asleep to go 
through his. He has been burrowing in his musty books 
so long that he never knows what's going on outside of 
them. 

Betty. But don't you think I am making a good 
enough test case without your keeping Aunt Jane out on 
strike? 

Ura. Yes, you're the one that's really bringing our 
husbands to time. Jim wouldn't like me to follow your 
example. He'd never be able to get out his fresh under- 
wear when he wanted a bath. We've lived in that house 
ten years and he doesn 't know where his clothes are kept. 
But you see, my dear, the more women we can keep on 
strike, the better it is for us who don't strike. 

Betty. But is that altogether fair to the strikers? 

Ura. Fair? Who ever heard of fairness in a strike? 
If Jane had never gone out it would be different, but to 
back down ! No, she has got to stay out until we get 
our demands. You'll contribute, of course? 



56 Wives On Strike 

Betty. Oh, yes, 1 11 see that Aunt Jane doesn 't come 
to want. 
Ura. You're a trump! 

[EXIT quickly d. c. Betty saunters up to Clara. 

ENTER Jane and Bob Spink d. r., arm in arm. 

Bob. Got a table for us, Betty? 

Betty (turns). Why, how's this! 

Bob. I forgave her again and took her back. 

Jane. Don't you believe it. He promised to reform. 
(Goes c, Betty l. of her) 

Betty (witJi a merry twinkle). Did you, Uncle Bob? 

Bob. Yep, Promised to be as angelic (Winking at 
Betty) as Jane herself. 

Betty. But, auntie, what will the ''Wives' Welfare 
Club" 

Jane. The ''Wives' Welfare Club" can be their own 
goat. 

Bob. Betty, how long are you going to keep up this 
separation from Thornton? Six weeks' punishment is 
enough for any man. His heart is broken. 

Betty (sniffs). His appetite is good. Clara told me 
he stole three menus yesterday when her back was turned. 
He will demoralize my establishment. Who is going to 
be satisfied with a raw carrot and a glass of milk when 
an ostrich like that is feeding under his very eyes ? 

Jane. Betty, I used to ridicule your idea that most 
human ills are traceable to improper eating, but since 
your Uncle Bob has been following your advice he has 
become almost as saintly as before we were married. 

Bob. And I've noticed a decided improvement in 
your Aunt Jane's disposition since you took the problem 
of cook off her mind. 

Jane. My disposition requires no improvement. But, 
Betty, haven't you a course of diet that will remove 
wrinkles ? 

Betty. Happiness is the only wrinkle eraser, auntie, 
and now since you have Uncle Bob back to 

Jane (laughs). Jaw? 



Wives On Strike 57 

Betty. No ; love. Your face is as smooth as a girl 's. 

Bob. Shall I take the rheumatism bill of fare a£?ain, 
Betty? 

Betty. Yes ; number eight for my uncle and four for 
my aunt, Clara. (Bob goes to desk. Clara gives him 
hill of fare. Brings anotlier to Jane) 

Jane. What will it do for me? 

Betty. Make you resume your dancing days. 

Jane. Betty, your diet kitchen is a Godsend. No 
more cooks, thank heaven ! 

Betty. I'll show you your seats. 

[EXIT D. L., followed by Bob and Jane 

ENTER Reynold d. r., Clara sees Mm and becomes 

self-conscious. 

Reynold. How-dy-do, Clara? {Hesitates, embar- 
rassed) Nice day. (Laughs) Isn 't that stupid of me ? 
How many times have you been told about the weather 
to-day? 

Clara (laughs). A good many times, but I don't 
mind. 

Reynold. Oh, you're so good-natured you don't mind 
anything. 

Clara. You only think that. 

Reynold. You must get pretty tired, don't you? 
It's hard work being on your feet all day. (Reynold 
is making conversation and is not quite natural) 

Clara. Oh, a little, but Betty is so nice to work for. 

Reynold. She sure has made a go of this place. 
The lame, the halt, and the blind come in and walk out 
cured. 

Clara. Not quite so miraculous as that, but their 
health does improve remarkably when they live up to 
Betty's directions. She is wonderful, and so kind and 
gentle. 

Reynold (glancing admiringly at Clara). I know 
somebody else who is kind and gentle too. 

Clara (laughs self-consciously. Qlances toward win- 



58 Wives On Strike 

dow). Here come Patricia Duggan and her poor hus- 
band. 

Reynold. Tom Duggan poor? He makes scads of 
money. 

Clara. But he looks all worn out. I feel so sorry for 
him. 

Reynold. What a sympathetic little pigeon you are ! 
{Starts to take her hand, hut she draws hack emhar- 
rassed) 

ENTER liR. and Mrs. Duggan d. r. 

Reynold {going over to Pat.). How are you, Mrs. 
Duggan ? 

Pat. Oh, comme-gi comme-ga. 

Reynold. What's that in United States? 

Pat. You tease! {They talk and jest together) 

Tom {approaching desk, to Clara). Please give me 
the same bill of fare I had yesterday. It made me feel 
like a colt. What do you call it ? 

Clara {glances toward Pat. to see that she is not 
listening). Mrs. Albright has named it ''Overburdened 
husbands' menu." (Tom laughs) Did you follow the 
directions about relaxation and amusement? Mrs. Al- 
bright says there is nothing the matter with your stom- 
ach, but you need plenty of rest. To get the best results 
it is necessary to follow all her orders. 

Tom {glances toward Pat., sighs). I find there is 
nothing like a set of marai)ou for bringing repose. 
(Clara looks inquiringly^ Tom laughs, starts toward 
tete-a-tete) 

ENTER Betty d. l., extends her hand to Tom and passes 
on to greet Pat. Tom sits on tete-a-tete. 

Betty. How are you, good folk? How are you, 
Reynold? 

Reynold {mournfidly) . Hungry. (Betty laughs) 
Here, Tom, let me see your bill of fare. I believe Betty 
is holding out on me. 

Tom {to Reynold). Don't you suppose we could 



Wives On Strike 59 

have something with a bit more pep in it than that 
funeral march ? 

Reynold. Sure. Betty permits the orchestra to play 
anything the customers want, but she has them stick to 
the high-brow stuff whenever possible. 

Tom. Jazz for mine. 

Reynold. I'll shut 'em off. (EXITS d. l., RE- 
ENTERS immediately and sits by Tom. The orchestra 
starts some jazz music) 

Pat. {on other side of room, to Betty). Your going 
on strike has brought our husbands around quicker than 
we anticipated. See this lovely set of marabou? Tom 
bought it for me just as soon as he learned what a success 
you are making of this diet kitchen. He says he hasn't 
slept so well for a month as he did last night. 

Betty. Maybe you gave him a chance. 

Pat. I did. I went to the opera and left him at 
home alone. I was the envy of every woman there. I 'm 
glad I had sense enough not to go on strike. It would 
have been foolish for us women to walk out without 
something to live on, wouldn't it? 

Betty {dryly). Rather. I saw that at once. 

Pat. You don't ever have to go back if Thornton 
doesn't do as you want. 

Betty {with a longing look). No, I don't ever have 
to go back. {Sighs) I have my economic independ- 
ence. 

Pat. I don't know what that means, but you cer- 
tainly are making heaps of money. But, Betty, I thought 
your marriage was a bed of roses. 

Betty. It was — the prickly kind. 

Pat. I'll wager I know the sharpest thorn. How- 
ever, if Lily is the only cause, I wouldn't give her the 
satisfaction. Did you know that she has invited her- 
self to the Nuts? Shesha is furious. She says Lady 
Lily keeps the telephone wires hot calling up Thornton. 

Betty. If he prefers her, he is certainly welcome to 
his choice. 

Pat. It doesn't look that way. He hasn't been in 



60 Wives On Strike 

their house since she moved in, and you know what 
chums he and John Nut are. 

Betty. Yes, he used to spend half his time there. 

Pat. Betty, you're doing worlds for us wives. 
There's a peacherino of a moleskin coat that I'm trying 
to get Tom to buy for me, but I'd let it go rather than 
wreck your happiness. Don't forget that no man can 
hold out forever from the tiger-Lily brand. 

Betty (shrugs Ifier shoulders). Do you think you'll 
get your moleskin? 

Pat. (sighs). I don't know. But I told Tom if he 
didn't buy it I'd start a bowling alley. 

Betty (laughs). You'll need a bowling something if 
you don't look out for your health. Here, let me feel 
your pulse. (Pat. extends arm) I thought so, circula- 
tion like a muddy pond. Cut out limousines and take 
hikes. 

Pat. Don 't make me move more than I do now. Isn 't 
there something I can eat that will bring the same result ? 

Betty. Card number three will help some. 

Pat. Oh, you darling! (Emhraces Betty, then goes 
to Clara) Card number three, please. (Clara gives 
her card. Pat. reads) ''One raw egg beaten in lemon 
juice." (Hands it hack haughtily) You've made a 
mistake. Card number three, my dear. 

Clara. That is card number three. 

Pat. (glances toward Betty). Heartless! (Betty 
laughs) Tom, let me see your menu. (Grabs card out 
of his hand and reads aloud) ''Choice of hors-d'oeuvres 
soup, fish, entree, roast, salad, pie, pudding, ice-cream, 
nuts, cheese" — oh, heavens! All the things I adore! 
(Reynold laughs and joins Betty) 

Tom. Better take her advice, Patricia. She's made 
me feel like a fighting cock already. 

Pat. Tom (Earnestly), Betty says I am an exceed- 
ingly sick woman. My blood doesn 't circulate at all. I 
think that moleskin coat I saw at the Ville wjould -ae- 
eelerate the red corj)useles. 

Tom (makes a rush for c. d.). Great Scott! You'll 
make me lose my appetite. 



Wives On Strike 61 

Pat. {grabs hold of Mm) . But, Tom, just one minute ! 

Tom {trying to release himself). No, I've a very im- 
IDortant engagement. 

Pat. {severely), Tom Duggan, if you don't buy me 
that moleskin coat I'll start a jazz hall directly across 
from your office. 

Tom {alarmed). Ye gods! 

Pat. How would Mrs. Thomas Duggan look teaching 
the shimmy? {She begins to dance, catches hold of 
Reynold before he knows what she's about. Tom looks 
on horrified at her audacious movements) 

Tom. Oh, my appetite ! It 's going ! 

Pat. {drops her menu as she whirls toward him, 
pushes her face mischievously up into his) . Do I get tliG 
moleskin ? 

Tom. Anything, only don't spoil a good dinnero 
{Rushes out d. c.) 

Pat. {triumphantly glances over her shoulder at 
Betty). I got him! [EXITS after Tom d. c., laughing 

Betty {looks after her). What a lovely wax model 
Pat would make for a show window! {Notices menu on 
floor) Eun after her, Clara, she dropped her menu. 
And stop that jazz music. How can anybody chew his 
food slowly with that kind of an accompaniment? 
(Clara picks up the menu and EXITS d. c. The music 
stops for a while) 

Betty {to Eeynold as she looks after Clara). 
What a lovely girl Clara is! 

Reynold. Yes, she. is such a comfortable little body. 
She's the kind of girl that makes a fellow have confi- 
dence in himself. When I see you two working here, 
I feel ashamed to be lazing around. 

Betty. Then why don't you settle down and get 
married? Now Clara is 

Reynold {seriously). You see, Betty, I'm not altO" 
gether certain that I 

Betty. But you are. Any one can see that. 

Reynold {meditatively). She sure is a fine girl. 

Betty. Then why don't you 



62 Wives On Strike 

Reynold. Well, you see — 

Betty. Look here, Reynold "Winburn, you are always 
telling me that you would do anything for me, yet when 
I pick out the very nicest girl I know for you, you hem 
and haw and hesitate. 

Reynold. Clara is so genuine, I wouldn't like to be 
unfair to her. You see, Betty, I 'm not quite sure that I 
have got over 

Betty. Oh, well, if you don't want to please me in a 
little thing like that (Shrugs her shoulders) 

Reynold. And you can talk of marriage as a little 
thing after your experience! 

Betty. Little! {Laughs without enjoyment) Ha! 
Ha! It is less than little. It is nothing at all to 
Thor — to me. 

Reynold {solemnly). Betty, Thornton is very ill. 

Betty {frightened) . 111? Oh, Avhere is he? {Starts 
as if to go to him, Reynold smiles. Recovers herself) 
Oh, you bad boy ! I knew he would be. He stole three 
farm laborers' bills of fare, and ate two lobsters and a 
whole mince pie. 

Reynold. Take him 'back, won't you? 

Betty {gives him a push). Oh, you! A nice third 
part of a triangle you make, asking me to take my hus- 
band back ! 

Reynold. And a nice third part of a triangle you 
are, asking me to marry somebody else ! 

Betty. Don't be silly ! I have no intention of taking 
him back. 

Reynold. He told me he had begged your pardon for 
being such a grouch, with every pleading word he could 
find in the dictionary. 

Betty. ^ But he hasn't admitted woman's equality to 
man {With quivering chin and mouth as she wipes 
away a tear), and I don't believe he ever will. 

Reynold. Don't be picayunish. You said you were 
only going on strike until he toed the mark. 

Betty {recovering her poise) . I've changed my mind. 
I now see it would take a regiment of cooks to fiU 
Mm up. 



Wives On Strike 63 

Reynold. Then if you won't take him back, maybe 
jou'll get a divorce and marry me? 

Betty. This is a diet kitchen, not a marriage bureau. 

Reynold. Oh, I thought it was. You are so anxious 
for me to marry 

Betty. Shh! (Clara ENTERS d.l.) Clara, give 
Mr. Winburn the infants' bill of fare. 

Reynold (Clara offe7^s him a haby blue card. He 
reads). Dining-room number three, in front of cow 
barn. One pail of warm milk, fresh from the cow. Oh, 
pickles! ^ [EXIT d. l. 

Betty (sees Lily coming. To Clara). That crea- 
ture here again ! I wish I had prepared a carbolic acid 
menu. I don't want to see her. {Starts up c.) 

Clara. What card shall I give her? 

Betty. Indigestion bill of fare. If she eats every- 
thing on that, she '11 have to be carried out on a stretcher. 

[EXIT d.l. 

ENTER Lily d. r., looks around. 

Lily. Betty not here? 
Clara. She was called away. 

ENTER Reynold d. l., goes to Clara and whispers 
something to her. 

[EXIT Clara d. l. 

Reynold {with a determined air, makes for Lily). 
Lily, I want a serious talk with you. 

LiLY^ Serious! {Bows) Why am I so favored? 

Reynold. Don 't try to attitudinize before me. Betty 
and Thornton are my friends. 

Lily {insinuatingly). It is plainly apparent that 
Betty is your {Smiles) friend. 

Reynold. Cut that! I said friends. I reckon a 
fellow can be fond of a w^oman without ceasing to be 
either her friend or her husband's. 

Lily. It's not usual. 

Reynold {conciliatory). Don't let's quarrel, Lily. 
You don't realize it, but you're butting in at the wa^ong 
time now. One of these fine days Thornton, in a fit of 
despondency, will do something he'll always regret if 



64 Wives On Strike 

there's a pretty girl around willing to play the game 
with him. Betty's true blue. 

Lily. True blue and quit him? 

Reynold. Oh, you know she didn't quit him for 
keeps. She just wants to make him throw away his old- 
fashioned notions of a woman's place in the home. 

Lily (smiles). Do you think there is any chance of 
Thornton ever giving up any of his cherished opinions? 

Reynold. I dunno, he sure does like to boss. 

Lily. I prefer the dominant male myself. 

Reynold. You? Hum! I've a pipe dream of your 
catering to any man's whims. 

Lily. If a woman uses the right tactics, she can turn 
the catering the other way round. There's no sense in 
open antagonism. 

Reynold (sneering). Wheedling, I suppose? 

Lily. It's the method you men have forced on us. 
We must match our wits against your strength. (Looks 
at Reynold schemingly and speaks with deliberation) 
But — what — do you think might happen if Thornton in 
a moment of despondency should turn for consolation to 
some one else? 

Reynold (not suspecting her motive, answers frankly), 
Betty 'd never stand for it, never! I know her well 
enough for that. She'd divorce him. (Reynold is too 
much occupied ivith his tho\ights to notice Lily's satis- 
faction) And that would be the end of it so far as 
Betty's concerned. 

Lily. I should think that would just suit you. 

Reynold. It would suit me down to the ground, but 
I don't believe it would suit Betty, and her happiness is 
the main thing. (Cajoling) Now, be a good girl and 
don't complicate matters. [EXIT d. L. 

ENTER Clara d. l. Lily has approached desk and is 
glancing over cards. 

Clara. This is your menu, Miss de Longpre. 
Lily (takes card). How can you remember the right 
ones for the right people? 



Wives On Strike 65 

Clara. Part of Mrs. Albright's success is due to the 
personal attention given every one. 

Lily. Then she really is successful? I fancied it 
was all a big bluff. 

Clara. No, indeed. She is making money faster 
than a Wall Street broker. You see the idea is unique 
to give people the exact amount and the right kind of 
food that their particular case requires. Usually 
dietitians act as if the human race had but one stomach. 
I believe that everybody in this town that is mentally or 
physically ill comes to us. (Laughs and goes to win- 
dow) That is, everybody but the lawyers. They say 
they are going to boycott the place, their divorce cases 
have been falling off so much since this diet kitchen 
started. You know Mrs. Albright specializes on bad 
disposition. 

Lily {laughs). Might as well try to change the 
Milky Way. 

Clara. There comes Mr. Albright now. 

ENTER Thornton d. r., stands in door a moment look- 
ing around. 

Lily (pretends not to know he is there, speaks so he 
can hear). I should think Mr. Albright would be very 
proud to have a hash slinger for a wife. (Turns and 
pretends to see him for the first time. Runs to him) Oh, 
Thornton, forgive me! My indignation got the best of 
my unruly old tongue. 

Thornton (to Clara). Will you please tell Betty I 
wish to see her? 

Clara. Certainly. [EXIT d. l. 

Thornton (fo Lily). Yes, I'm the laughing stock of 
the whole town. The fellows are all kidding — I won't 
have it ! Damn it ! Something has got to be done ! 

Lily. I don't suppose you would care to take any 
advice from an old friend. I 've wanted so much to help 
you, but you have constantly avoided me. 

Thornton. No, not that; but I haven't been in the 



66 Wives On Strike 

humor to see anybody. I love my wife. You know that, 
don't you? 

Lily (sighs). Oh, yes, I know. Would she were 
worthy of so great a love ! 

Thornton. I have told her over and over again that 
I behaved like a senseless ass that day, but she insists 
that my actions were but the demonstration of traditional 
opinions that most men possess, and until I change my 
opinions there is no certainty that I '11 not have similar 
tantrums. Now I ask you, as friend to friend, do you 
think I should give up all my ideas about woman just 
because I'm married? 

Lily. Certainly not, especially when your ideas are 
the right ones. 

Thornton (eagerly hut not quite sure of himself). 
You really think they are ? 

Lily. Don't you? 

Thornton (hesitatingly). Oh, ye-s, yes. (Braces 
himself) And this ridiculous notion of a wife's economic 
independence — why, a fellow would never dare say a 
word. 

Lily (smiles to herself, hut he doesn't see it). It 
certainly places a woman in a position where she can be 
easily compromised. Every old roue in town patronizes 
this cafe. You don't suppose they come for unbaked 
bread and cereal coffee, do you? 

Thornton (flops in chair). Good Lord, I never 
thought of that! 

Lily. There is some safety in numbers, but how about 
Reynold? 

Thornton. Oh, Reynold is innocuous. He's trying 
his best to make it up between us. 

Lily. And you believe that? 

Thornton. Don't you? (Lily shrugs her shoul- 
ders) Oh, I don't know where I'm at. 

Lily. Your men friends are kidding you because 
your wife is running an eating house, but your women 
friends are wondering at your credulity. Reynold and 
Betty 



Wives On Strike 67 

Thornton. You're wrong there. It is only puppy 
love Rennie has for Betty. Why, he and Clara are 

Lily (lauglis). He and Clara? Really, Thornton, I 
thought you had more discernment. 

Thornton (seriously). Lily, I know you mean well, 
but you're going too far. I wouldn't believe anything 
against Betty unless I saw it with my own eyes. 

Lily. If you keep your eyes open you will see a 
plenty. I should have thought your wife would have had 
enough consideration for the name she bears to take up a 
refined occupation at least. "Betty's Diet Kitchen!" 
(Laughs) 

Thornton. But we have to hand it to her for making 
a go of it. Original little devil ! 

Lily (coldly). Oh, if you're satisfied there is noth- 
ing more to be said. 

Thornton. Satisfied? I'm humiliated down to the 
ground. Hang it ! She 's made a bigger success in her 
business than I have of mine. 

Lily. I'll help to win her back if you'll let me. You 
know it takes a woman to know a woman. 

Thornton. If you only would, I'd be your debtor 
for life. 

Lily (sweetly). To have forwarded your happiness, 
Thornton, is quite enough payment for me. 

Thornton. Noble girl ! What is your plan ? 

Lily. You must make her furiously jealous. That's 
the way to bring her to reason. When she thinks she is 
about to lose you, she'll move heaven and earth to get 
you back. 

Thornton. And would you really be willing to do 
this for me? You know coming between husband and 
wife is no sinecure. 

Lily. I'd do anything to see that old care-free look 
on your face again. You know Betty has always been 
a wee bit jealous of me anyway. 

Thornton. I believe you're right. She accused me 
the day she left of showing you too much attention. I 
didn't think much about it then, it was so absurd. 



QS Wives On Strike 

(Lily doesnH quiie like this last remark) How can 
we arrange it? Something that will bring quick re- 
suits. 

Lily. You pretend that you realize at last that she 
was never the wife for you. 

Thornton. Good! And you? 

Lily. Don't bother about me. I'll follow your lead. 
What do you say to a flirtatious dinner in the open cafe 
as a starter? 

Thornton. Excellent ! 

ENTER Clara d. l. 
Clara. Mr. Albright, Mrs. Albright said 



Thornton (loftily). Oh, never mind! Give me the 
bill of fare that has the most on it and takes the longest 
time to eat. 

Clara. But Mrs. Albright told me I was to give you 
an abstemious bill of fare. 

Thornton (grabs up hunch of cards). You can tell 
Madam Betty for me that I do not come to this cafe 
for her advice, but for the cookery. (Clara stares in 
astonishment. Thornton nods to Lily laughingly) 
Guess that'll hold her for a while. 

Lily (showing satisfaction). It will certainly set in- 
dependent Betty down a peg or two. 

Thornton (scared). But — eh — ^you don't suppose 
it's likely to set her against me more than ever, do you? 

Lily (forcefully) . Impossible! ' It will simply make 
her see that you mean business. (Lily and Thornton 
EXEUNT D. c. Clara closes the door after them, re- 
turns to desk, picks up several stacks of menus) 

ENTER Reynold d. l. Musicians play Chopin. 

Clara (forgetting her timidity, runs to Reynold. 
She still unconsciously holds the cards). O Reynold, 
that dreadful Lily is going to have dinner with Thorn- 
ton. Betty will not like it a bit. Oh, I wish I knew 



Wives On Strike 69 

what' to do. Can't you prevent them before Betty sees 
them? 

Reynold. How can I if they have already gone in? 
Probably she has seen them by now. 

Clara. No, Betty is in the private dining-room. 

Eeynold, I can't very well force them apart. 

Clara. Do try to do something. I can't bear to see 
Betty feel bad. Betty pretends that she doesn't care, 
but she does. I have caught her crying to herself several 
times lately. 

Reynold. Poor Betty! {Starts toward c.) I'll 
shoot that Thornton. 

Clara {catches Jiold of Jiim). Oh, Betty wouldn't 
like that at all. 

Reynold { submit ting) . No, I suppose not. 

Clara {still unconsciously holding the menus in one 
hand while she holds Reynold with the other). O 
Reynold, you are such a big, strong man, do think of 
something. (Reynold puffs out proudly) I do so want 
her to be happy. 

Reynold. So do I. {His face suddenly lightens) 
Clara, will you marry me? 

Clara {drops the menus and starts hack amazed). 
Oh, gracious! {Both on their knees picking up the 
cards, which have fluttered in every direction) What- 
ever made you think of such a thing? 

Reynold. Oh, I've been thinking about it for ever 
so long. Will you? 

Clara {they have crawled closer together, still pick- 
ing up the cards). I don't loiow what I ought to say. 

Reynold {getting hold of her hand as they hoth reach 
for the same card). Don't you like me enough? {They 
rise together, he still holding her hand) 

Clara. Oh, it isn't that — but — I'll see Avhat Betty 
says. 

Reynold. I know what she will say. Here's Betty 
now. 

Clara {moving shyly away from Reynold). She 
looks serene. I don't believe she has seen them. 



' 70 Wives On Strike 

Eeynold. We'll keep her here until they get through 
dinner. 

ENTER Betty d. l. 

Reynold. Say, Betty, Clara wants your advice. 

Betty {smiles on Clara). Nothing so easy to give 
and nothing so hard to take, dear girl. (Clara is as- 
sorting the various menus and putting the colors to- 
gether) What happened to the menus? (Clara is at 
desk, Betty is to her l. and Reynold is down r.) 

ENTER Shesha d. c, throws one door open, Clara 

closes it. 

Shesha. Betty! Betty! (Goes c.) She has copped 
him at last. (Reynold and Clara try to stop her, hut it 
is useless. Music changes to rag-time) 

Betty. What are you talking about? (Goes l. of 
Shesha) 

Shesha. Lily and Thornton. They are making a 
show of themselves in the public dining-room. My dear, 
no decent woman stands a chance against that brand. 

Betty {angrily). You mean they are dining together 
in my restaurant? 

Shesha. Not only dining, but holding hands. That 
is, they were until I sent John over to sit between them. 

Betty {starts c). I'll put them out! {Stops and 
turns hack) I don't want you to suppose that I care two 
figs what they do, but I'll have them know this is a re- 
spectable place. 

Shesha. Something must be done. 

Betty. And I'm the one who will do it. Lily can 
feed him from now on. That will be enough punishment 
for him. {Starts up c. again) 



Wives On Strike 71 

ENTER Ura d. c. throwing hotk doors wide open, re- 
vealing Thornton and Lily sitting at table. He 
Jiolds one of Lily's hands and John Nut holds the 
other one. They are having a hilarious time. When 
Betty sees them she hesitates. 

Ura. Shesha, come quick! (Ura goes c, Shesha to 
her R., Reynold r. of them. Clara up by desk. Betty 
UP by c. D., undecided what to do) 

Shesha. Why? 

Ura. Look ! 

Shesha. My John is holding her hand too! Oh, 
Lordy, I'm lost! He's so good-natured he'll be paying 
her board next. 

Ura. The whole "Wives' Welfare Club" and their 
husbands are in there. (Jim Lamb comes over to table, 
Lily draws her hand away from Thornton and extends 
it to Jim) 

Shesha. Look, Ura! 

Ura {turns a^nd sees her husband smiling a silly smile 
as Lily draws him forward). What next? My lamb in 
the spider's net! {Turns on Betty) You got us into 
this ; now you 've got to get us out. 

Betty (goes down to l,.). I got you in? (Reynold 
goes up to desk with Clara) 

ENTER Pat. d. c. hurriedly. 

Pat. Betty Albright, instead of standing here jolly- 
ing the public, you'd better go into that dining-room. 
There's going to be a riot. We won't have a husband 
left among us. Tom says I and my moleskin coat can go 
to a place he has never mentioned in my presence before. 
(Pat., Shesha and Ura crowd down front, much ex- 
cited) 

Betty. But what have I done? 

Pat. Done? {Forcefully) You've taken the hus- 
bands out of the home! 

Shesha. Jim says no home was ever like this. 

Ura. John refuses to eat a meal at home. He's sure 
there is some cryptic meaning in your reason for running 



72 Wives On Strike 

this restaurant. (Tom Duggan comes over to Thorn- 
ton's table, asks if lie can join party. Lily and Thorn- 
ton consent. Tom beckons to a tiny peroxide blonde. 
She trips over. The waiters pull several tables together 
to make room for all) 

Pat. {turns and sees her husband with tiny girl). 
Goodness alive ! Lookatlier! Infant's size! (Thorn- 
ton and Lily rise. John still clings to Lily^s hand. 
Lily withdraws it, laughing and tossing him her glove, 
which he kisses with mock ardor) 

Shesha (sarcastically). Too bad she couldn't leave 
her hand! (John spies a dashing looking brunette with 
intelligent face and alert manner, the exact opposite of 
his wife. He ^notions for her to join them. She points 
to her friend, a very thin girl, and asks in pantomime if 
she 7nay bring her along. John nods and they come 
over. There is an interchange of introductions. Tom 
Duggan gives waiter bribe to bring them something not 
included in bill of fare. He is seated by the petite 
blonde; John by the brunette; her friend takes seat next 
to Jim Lamb, who is very shy at first but warms under 
the young lady's encouragement) 

Pat. {to Betty) . You call this a restaurant ? 

Betty {beside herself with annoyance). My dears, 
I'm so sorry! (Goes to them) 

Pat. "i 

Shesha. [ Then Act! Act! Act! 

Ura. ) 

ENTER Bob and Jane Spink d. l. 

Pat. {glances into dining-room, sees Tom take off girVs 
coat. He measures it and looks highly satisfied). Oh, 
my moleskin coat ! "Who proposed this strike anyway ! 

Jane. I did. 

Ura. Then Avhy weren't you on the job? 

Jane {links her arm in her husband's and crosses to- 
ward D. R. with much satisfaction. Bob chuckles) 

[EXIT D. R. 



Wives On Strike 73 



Pat. ") {with ejaculations of disgust). It's all 

Shesha C her fault! {They turn on Betty) Its 

Ura ) all your fault ! 

Shesha. Who's going to care for me now, I'd like to 
know ? 

Pat. "Who'll buy my clothes? 

Ura. You 've got to feed us ! 

Betty. Stop it! You '11 split my eardrums ! You're 
a lot of 

All THREE. Don't say it! 

Betty. I won't, but I'll think it. 

Pat. {trying conciliatory methods) . Come now, Betty, 
be a good girl and make it up with Thornton. 

Ura * [ 1^0, for our sakes. 

Betty. Why, I should like to know? 

Pat. Moral influence, my dear. If our husbands 
haven't a homelike place like this to hang out in, they'll 
come back to us. 

Betty. You'll take them back — after that? {Points 
to the men making love to the girls) 

Shesha {almost weeping). We've got to take them 
back. 

Ura. You don't expect us to go to work, do you? 

Betty. Ladies, you can do with your husbands what 
you please, but I know what I 'm going to do with mine ! 

[EXIT D. L. 

Shesha {amazed). What do you suppose she is going 
to do? 

Ura. There was blood in her eye ! 

Pat. You don't suppose 

Shesha. Let 's get out of here ! There 's going to be 
shooting and I don 't want to get hit. 

Pat. And not one of us can drive a car ! And all the 
street ear men on strike ! 

All three {disappointed. Slowly). We'll have to 
walk. {Music turns ivith, '* There Will be a Hot Time in 
the Old Town To-night." They EXITd. r. hurriedly. 
ENTER D. c. Tom Duggan holding the little blonde's 



74 Wives On Strike 

hand Wee a child; John Nut follows, talking gaily with 
the dashing hrunette; Jim Lamb brings up the rear, en- 
raptured at his sentimental dissipation, the thin girl 
clinging to him and having the time of her life with the 
timid professor. Music ceases. They all EXIT d. r. 
and can he heard laughing and talking as they bundle 
into the automobiles and drive away, singing some popu- 
lar air) 

ENTER Betty d. l. 

Betty {grimly). Clara, tell the head waiter to see 
that no one enters this room but Thornton and Lily de 
Longpre. Then you come back. 

Clara. Very well. [EXIT d. c. closing the doors 

Reynold. Shall I go? 

Betty. You go out there in the street and stay until 
the three of us are together, then you come in. 

Reynold. Want me as a witness ? 

Betty. Don't talk, go! (EXIT REYNOLf> d. r. 
Betty sees Thornton and Lily coining from c.) 

[EXIT D. L. 

ENTER Thornton and Lily d. c. 

Lily {seeing Betty as she goes out. To Thornton). 
Be careful, she's listening! 

Thornton {grandiloquently). Ah, Lily, this is the 
happiest evening of my life. {Makes grimace) 

Lily. It would have been for m^, too, but for those 
stupid interruptions. Oh, Thorny, how different you are 
from other men! • {Clings to him seductively, he hands 
her to tete-a-tete l. and seats himself beside her to the R. 
They gaze ardently at each other) 

ENTER Betty d. l., Clara d. c. and Reynold d. r. 
Betty motions for him to be silent. He remains R. 
Thornton has seen Betty come in; he puff_s out 
pompously and awaits Betty's onslaught with much 
satisfaction. When Betty gets to ivhere they sit 



Wives On Strike 75 

she quickly extends Jier hand. Afraid that she is 
going to throw something, they spring up, almost 
overturning the tete-a-tete. 

Betty {smiling amiahly) . How are jou, good people ? 
So sorry I was too busy to give you personal attention. 
Was your dinner satisfactory, Thornton? And yours, 
Lily? 

Thornton (completely taken aback, stares stupidly). 
Good Lord, it didn 't work ! {Drops on seat) 

Betty (goes to Reynold, pats his cheek). Poor de- 
serted boy ! 

Thornton {starts up). Oh, I say 

Lily {aside to him). She's bluffing. Don't give way. 
Keep it up. {He tries to look happy, hut cannot. Betty 
continues caressing Reynold, much to the young man's 
astonishment and discomfort as he glances toward Clara, 
who is seated at desk with hack to them) Make her 
jealous. (Thornton puts his arm around Lily's waist) 

Betty {turns and sees the emhrace). Oh, I see the 
rumor is correct. Then you are engaged? 

Thornton {starts to protest, Lily nudges him. He 
stutters). Ye-s. {Puffs out) Oh, yes! 

Betty. So glad to hear it. So are Reynold and I. 

Reynold. Wha Oh, I say ! 

Betty. Why, Reynold, you're not going to withdraw 
your proposal, are you? 

Reynold. Proposal ? 

Bettys Didn't you say, '*.If you are not going to take 
him back, why don 't you get a divorce and marry me 1 ' ' 

Reynold. Yes, but 

Betty {sweetly). You haven't changed your mind so 
soon, have you? 

Reynold {glances at Clara, who turns and motions 
for him to consent) . Oh, I'd be tickled to death. {Gazes 
about in helpless confusion) 

Betty. Too bad we shall have to wait for the stupid 
formality of a divorce. Perhaps, not to delay the game, 
we might resort to the new-fangled contract system. I 



76 Wives On Strike 

am sure no words being said over Kennie and me could 
add to the sanctity of our love. {Draws Ms head to Ifier 
and fondles him) Isn't that so, sweetheart? {The poor 
lad is frightened to a tremble^ gazes beseechingly toward 
Clara, who turns lack to desk, pretending to he very 
busy) 

Thornton {jumps away from Lily). Great God, 
what has come over you? I'm your husband. I'm 
your 

Betty {sweetly). Boss? Oh, no, I'm boss of my own 
soul. 

Thornton. You seem to forget that you're my wife. 

Betty. Only in the eyes of the law ; in the eyes of the 
world {Makes a gesture toward dining-rooms) Lily 
should occupy that place. 

Thornton. What a confounded fool I've made of 
myself! {Turns on JjjIjY) And it was all through you. 
You said she would jump into my arms when she saw me 
in yours. 

Lily. Thornton, how can you so misrepresent? 

Thornton. You deny it ? 

Lily. I most certainly do. 

Eeynold. Didn't I beg you to let Thornton alone? 

Lily {laughs). Not so any one could notice it. You 
begged me to make a clear field for you. 

Eeynold {to Thornton). Did you ever see such a 
liar? 

Thornton. Never in all my life. Out ! Out, I say ! 
You came near wrecking my home, but if it goes to 
smash it won 't be because of you ! 

Lily {running toward d. r. calling feebly). Help! 

Help ! He's going to (EXIT d. r. Reynold goes to 

Clara, whispers to her, she looks up laughing, he puts 
his arm around her and they quietly EXIT d. r.) 

Thornton. Betty, won't you forgive your cranky old 
husband? I swear I'll never grumble again if you'll 
only take me back. 

Betty. And you still believe man is woman's supe- 
rior ? 



Wives On Strike 77 

Thornton. Superior! Most of us haven't sense 
enough to come in out of the wet. 

Betty. Then, if you wish it, I'll be a wife to you 
again. 

Thornton {starts to embrace her). Wish it! 

Betty {holds him off). With one proviso — that you 
permit me to maintain my economic independence. 

Thornton. But, Betty, our home? 

Betty. Home is the happy moments we pass together. 
{Holds out her arms to him) May I come home now? 

Thornton {clasps her in his arms) . To the devil with 
tradition! IVe got my wife back. 



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PRICE 25 CENTS 

A EIGHT AGAINST PATE 

A drama in 4 acts, by John Rupert Farrell. 8 male, 2 female characters. 
1 exterior, 2 interior scenes. Time, 2 hours. Major Remming, an escaped 
convict, determines to reform and break away from his associates. He 
marries Alice Summers and lives at her father's house. His former com- 
panions trace him and threaten his betrayal to the sheriff unless he aids 
them in a new scheme. At the moment of apparent success, they are all 
three arrested. By his wife's stratagem he escapes, but soon meets with a 
fatal accident. The movement of the play is intensely dramatic, but the 
tension is relieved by ingenious comedy parts. 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

THE UPSETTING OF JABEZ STRONG 

A comedy in 3 acts, by Helen P. Kane. 5 male, 4 female characters. 3 
easy interior scenes. Modern costumes. Time, li hours. Jabez Strong, a 
wealthy stock operator, desires that his daughter Daisy should marry a 
fellow-operator, Burton by name. This plan is bitterly opposed by Daisy, 
who is in love with Jack. Through Miriam's influence over Jabez, ana 
through Dana's and Jack's knowledge of the previous record of Burton, 
whose rascality they expose, Daisy and Jack are finally made supremely 
happy. Jabez is an excellant, eccentric old man part, while those of Jack 
and Daisy are brimful of "go" and comedy. Easily staged. Highly 
recommended. 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

WHEN WOMEN RULE 

A farce in 1 act, by Agnes Electra Piatt. 2 male, 4 female characters. 1 
simple interior scene. Time, about 15 minutes. The scene is laid ten years 
hence, when the presidential office is filled by -a suffragist. The leading 
character is secretary to the president, in fact all the officials are suffragists. 
The two male character^ are Willie Walters, " Mother's Sunshine," and 
Wick Lee Sling, a typical Chinaman. Has also a good soubrette part. 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

UNDER SAILING ORDERS 

A comedy in 1 act, by Helen P. Kane. 1 male, 1 female character. 1 
Interior scene, plain or elaborate, as desired. Time, 50 minutes. Costumes 
modern. The action occurs in the cabin of tne yacht "Lorelei" anchored 
oflf Bar Harbor. A very clever sketch, full of action and brightly written. 
The climax is a true illustration of the old adage " Faint heart ne'er woo 
fair lady," 

PRICE 25 CENTS 



PLAYS WD RECOMMEND 

Fifteen Cents Each (Postage, 1 Cent Extra) 

Unless Otherwise Mentioned 



Acts Males Females Time 



Arabian Nights 
Bundle of Matches (27c.) 
Crawford's Claim (27c.) 
Her Ladyship's Niece (27c.) 
Just for Fun (27c.) 

Men, Maids, Matchmakers 
Our Boys 
Puzzled Detective 
Three Hats 
Timothy Delano's 

Courtship 
Up-to-Date Anne 
White Shawl (27c.) 

Fleeing Flyer 
From Punkin' Ridge 
Handy Solomon 
Hoosier School 
Kiss in the Dark 
Larry 
Love Birds' Matrimonial 

Agency 
Married Lovers 
Ma's New Boarders (27c.) 
Mrs. Forester's Crusade 
New Pastor 
Relations 

Standing Room Only 
Stormy Night 
Surprises (27c.) 

Tangles (27c.) 

Little Rogue Next Door 
'Till Three P. M. 
Train to Mauro 
When Women Rule 
Won by a Kodak 
April Fools 
Fun in a Schoolroom 
Little Red Mare 
Manager's Trials 
Medica 

Mischievous Bob 
Cheerful Companion 
Dolly's Double 
Drifted Apart 
Gentle Touch 
John's Emmy 
Point of View 
Professor's Truant Glove 
Belles of Blackville 
Sweet Family (27c.) 

Conspirators (27c.) 

A Day and a Night (27c.) 
Gertrude Mason, M.D. (27c.) 
In Other People's Shoes 
Maidens All Forlorn (27c.) 
Mary Ann 

Romance of Phyllis (27c.) 
Fuss vs. Feathers 
Tanglefoot vs, Peruna 
Gretit Libel Case 



Farce 
Comedy 
Drama 
Comedy 



(27c.) 



Farce 

Comedy 

Farce 

Drama 
Farce 



Comedy 
Farce 

Sketch 

Farce 

Comedy 

Farce 



Comedy 
Farce 



Comedy 
Dialogue 



Minstrel 

Entertainment 

Comedy 

Farce 
Comedy 



Mock Trial 










4 
7 
21 



any no. 

8 



12 
10 
7 
8 
6 
5 
4 
4 
18 




2Vih 

IVah 

2kh 

iy2h 

2h 

2h 

2h 

Ih 

2h 

Ih 
Ih 

ly^h 
ikh 
20m 
30m 
45m 
45m 

80m 

45m 

80m 

80m 

80m 

20m 

35m 

40m 

30m 

80m 

40m 

20m 

15m 

15m 

50m 

30m 

40m 

85m 

45m 

35m 

40m 

25m 

20m 

80m 

30m 

20m 

20m 

20m 

2h 

Ih 

40m 

Ih 

80m 

50m 

ly^h 

30m 

iy4h 

80m 

iy2h 

2h 



SVVVVW^i^^AftWJVtfW/WVJVftA^UVVVVVVAA^VVWV^ 



LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 



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PLAYS WE RECC 




017 401 058 4 



For Schools and Colleges 

Twenty-five cents (Postage 2 cents extra) 

Acts Males Females Time 

Irish Eden 

Kidnapped Freshman 

Matrimoni-il Tiff 

Little Savage 

Lodgers I aken In 

Miss Mosher of Colorado 

Miss Neptune 

My Uncle from India 

Never Again 

New England Folks 

Next Door 

Oak Farm 

Riddles 

Rosebrook Farm 

Stubborn Motor Car 

Too Many Husbands 

When a Man's Single 

Where the Lane Turned 

After the Honeymoon 

Biscuits and Bills 

Chance at Midnight 

Conquest of Helen 

The Coward 

Sheriff of Tuckahoe 

Bashful Mr. Bobbs 

Whose Widow 

Alice's Blighted Profes- 
sion 

Regular Girls 

100% American 

Parlor Patriots 

Fads and Fancies 

Mr. Loring's Aunts 

My Son Arthur 

Sewing Circle Meets 

Every Senior 

Bride and Groom 

Last Chance 

Bubbles 

Hurricane Wooing 

Peggy's Predicament 

Found in a Closet 

Slacker (?) for the Cause 

Baby Scott 

Biily's Bungalow 

College Chums 

Delegates from Denver 

Football Romance 

Held for Postage 

In the Absence of Susan 

Transaction in Stocks 

Aunt Dinah's Quilting 
Party 

Bachelor Maids' Reunion 

In the Ferry House 

Rustic Minstrel Show 

Ye Village Skewl of Long 
Ago 

Rainbow Kimona 

Rosemary 

Pharaoh's Knob 



Comedy 


3 


8 


6 


2h 


Farce 


3 


12 


4 


2Vih 


Farce 


1 


2 


1 


Ih 


Comedy 


3 


4 


4 


2h 


" 


3 


6 


4 


21/211 


« 


4 


5 


8 


2h 


« 


2 


3 


8 


ly^h 


« 


4 


13 


4 


2y2h 


Farce 


3 


7 


5 


2h 


Drama 


3 


8 


4 


2%h 


Comedy 


3 


5 


4 


2h 


Comedy 


3 


7 


4 


2V-h 


" 


3 


3 


3 


l^h 


'• 


3 


6 


9 


l%h 


<( 


3 


7 


4 


2y2h 


Farce 


2 


8 


4 


2h 


Comedy 


3 


4 


4 


2h 


" 




7 


5 


2h 


Farce 




2 


3 


50m 


Conxedy 




3 


1 


ly^h 


Drama 




2 


1 


25m 


Comedy 




3 


2 


Ih 


Drama 




5 


? 


30m 


Western Sk. 




3 


1 


Ih 


Comedy 




4 


7 


2y2h 


" 




5 


4 


50m 


Sketch 







8 


50m 


Entertainment 







any no. 


Ih 


Comedy 







15 


IVah 


" 







12 


Ih 


Sketch 







17 


Ih 


Comedy 







13 


IVih 


" 




2 


8 


%h 


Entertainment 







10 


iy4h 


Morality play 







8 


40m 


Farce 


3 


5 


5 


2y4h 


Comedy 


2 


2 


12 


lyah 


« 


3 


4 


3 


li/ah 


« 


3 


4 


3 


lyah 


« 


1 





5 


y2h 


« 


1 


1 


3 


20m 


Sketch 


1 


3 


1 


20m 


Farce 


3 


5 


4 


2%h 


Comedy 


3 


5 


4 


2h 


" 


3 


9 


3 


2h 


Farce 


2 


3 


10 


%h 


Comedy 


4 


9 


4 


2%h 


Farce 


2 


4 


3 


l%h 


" 


3 


4 


6 


IVah 


Comedy 


1 


4 


1 


45m 


Entertainment 


1 


5 


11 


2h 


" 


1 


2 


any no. 


IVah 


« 


1 


15 


11 


iy2h 


<« 


1 


any no 


any no. 


iy2h 


« 


2 


any no. 


any rio. 


2h 


<c 


2 





9 


lyoh 


Comedy 


4 





14 


iy2h 


" 


1 


1 


12 


ih 



^ 



